My god, I hate how this blog looks! It looks even worse on a mobile screen.

 

See what I mean? Okay it doesn't look terrible, but it certainly does not look like something I'd pick out for myself. Trouble is, the programming that supports lots of the newer features isn't the simple html stuff that I'm accustomed to, and the codes now look like scatters of bird feed. Ah well, I'll try work on it. I feel like an old person grumbling about new developments and I think such behavioural inclinations within one's self should be discouraged.

I applied for an digital copywriting internship at a site that sells deals, and I guess I passed the writing & proof-reading tests, cos I've been asked to start mid-April. SO SEXCITED, OMG. I know it's just an internship during which I'll be paid a few bags of peanuts, and it's only gonna be short pieces on products, but this will be the absolute first time that I will be doing something that I have enjoyed since I was in primary school, professionally. I've always had writing as a hobby cos it comes naturally to me. I don't think I'm very good, tho. I used to be so much better, and I don't think even that standard could be considered very good. But I still like doing it, just like how lousy singers sing at the top of their voices. Comforting and happy-making habits.

There's a big minus point to this internship, sadly. The ppl who have interned here so far were students gaining experience, before continuing with their studies, and I'm the first intern to have had a decade's worth of working experience in totally unrelated fields, now looking for a major change in job scope. There isn't a clear progress ladder that I can have my hopes on, so all I can do is pray that the company's plans to expand go through soon enough so that I can try land a permanent job here. Can't be interning for too long, I've plans to study and a wedding to pay for.

They say that achieving what you want depends on your thoughts and mindset. Hardwork and opportunity is important, but there's also what you put out to the universe. What the universe gives back is what you want for yourself. Apparently. Laws of attraction.

Okay universe, I want to win the lottery this week. Five grand will do, just to pay off some bills and to keep me going through the internship. And I want this internship to go so well, they create a permanent position for me, expansion or not. I want to be the expansion. Also, please take away some of my arm jiggles. Thank you. :)

I've been meaning to stay clear from emotional posts, honestly. But the heart feels what it feels, sooo yeah. Sigh.

In a better mood today! Been having the runs all through last Monday to yesterday morning, and to have my ass finally free from torture feels like I've been touched by very kind fairies. And I had proper tea earlier today, milk and all. Life does not get much better than when you can afford to have good tea.

Mmm. I can't actually afford tea, in a sense. I'm flat broke. Broke in uppercasing. Am waiting to receive payment for half month's work I did in February. Yes, you read that right, I'm awaiting remuneration that's 3 weeks late. I really do join the best organisations, huh? I cannot tell you how glad I am for having left that place. Honestly, WORST WORKPLACE TO DATE, and I hope it stays that way cos I do not want an even worse experience to compete with the last one. First time I got sick due to work stress. I normally take stress well, and my colleagues usually marvel at my ability to stay calm through rage/breakdown-inducing situations. I possess an intrinsic ability to take shit, and that too, sometimes, with a small smile. But this place! Ohhhhh this place, it took all the 3, 4 & 5 tiered cakes. 

It's best described as an ill-constructed circus, where I was the mouse that's assigned to sweeping up elephant shit. An elephant took a big dump on me, decided it was a pretty fun thing to do, and made it a point to relieve itself on me every day. I then voiced out my displeasure, afterwhich I was assigned to collecting horse dung. I was quite a happy mouse, since a horse, being smaller, lets out less than an elephant does. My happiness was short-lived tho, cos that bastard of an elephant was still giving me shit showers, and there was nothing anyone could do about it, me included. So I left. That's the story. The animals don't directly represent a person, by the way. They're duties, or work burdens.

Anyway, that's over. And for the first time, my family's happy about my having quit a job. Been home a few days more than a month, cos I'm taking my time job-hunting. Sick of job-switching.

I just checked my page stats via blogger, and there was a traffic source that stood out. I got a hit from a google search on 'mid flight wank'. Someone was looking to join the mile-high club with some self-help, I see. I shall keep that notion in mind for consideration when I fly next, which'll probably be in September. Oh, mile-high wank guy/girl, if you're miraculously back here due to bad judgement, HELLO!

Urgh, must get a good job soon. Otherwise, my plans to visit the bf will have to be pushed, or worse, cancelled. Not getting 2 months' worth of pay is no joke to someone who has exactly one peanut, in the way of savings.

Only 0057hours and everybody's asleep. This is a very rare phenomenon. I guess the nap I had in the evening's keeping me up. My eyes feel so fresh! One of the few joys of being unemployed, before weeks roll by and you get more and more alarmed at the total number of days've gone without you being paid.

Wish me extraordinarily fantastic luck, pls.

Tips for self on surviving the shithole that is a long distance relationship

- develop an imaginary friend to whisper crazy things to. but if imaginary friend's like Drop Dead Fred, go to bed immediately and pray fiercely
- don't be surprised by gradual behavioural changes, on your side included
- don't feel ashamed to cry in your own presence. btr than crying in a bus
- at the same time, try not to make too much eye contact with yourself in the mirror right after a few tears cos you'll look disgusting
- don't expect to remain a priority. it's not the end of the world if you're not
- choices are naturally decisions made according to circumstances. you're not part of a great deal of your partner's circumstances anymore, so get used to it
- in fact, nothing is the same anymore, so get used to that too
- try to rmbr that you're not alone, although it feels like you are
- try to rmbr why exactly you're not alone
- keep trying to rmbr, and once you get it, write it down
- write plenty of things down. be busy
- cook, bake, run, jump, dance
- try new things, use your mind
- use your mind for everything but your relationship
- live your life
- be fine.

still longing for more.

Wah, I can actually post my location here? Everything feels so Facebook these days! I must admit that I'm a little excited about hitting the 'Publish' button to see how/where the location info shows up. In fact, I'm trying my best not to start contemplating publishing this much first.

Urrrrgh, I hear horrible singing from the hall. Thank god it's a tv show and not a tone-deaf family member.

You know, I come from a family of talented ppl. Talented in terms of performing and creative arts. My father used to sing well (he's now 72 and nature is cruel), my mom can carry tunes too, all my sisters are pretty alright themselves, and that's without any training. I don't know much about my own singing, cos I'm painfully shy, and cannot sing unless I'm sure there's noone around who can form an opinion on my crooning abilities. I was chosen for the school choir when I was in secondary one, after a voice test that I did NOT want to go through. I attempted to get out of the group, but my school's choir was pretty small, and the teacher in charge was having none of it. I did manage to quietly escape a year after, after persistently skipping practises.

The teacher (Ms Lee or something) pulled me aside and asked me if I thought the choir was a playground. I slowly nodded, not cos I was being defiant, but cos I did not catch what she said over the racket the rest of the nerds were making. Haha I remember how she went, "What?!" and repeated herself, which was when I giggled inside my head and satisfied her with a no. I stopped going altogether after the SYF judging thing. We won some prize...bronze or gold, can't remember. Have the cert somewhere. Or not. Sigh. Btr organise my shit so that I know what's where. I'm still looking for my Archie comics. But I'm always pissed off with Archie for being a fickle asswipe, so those aren't a priority I guess.

I like blogging. It takes my mind of things.

Oh hey, my 3rd sister gave birth to her 2nd boy on thursday! He's a Valentine's Day baby. While everyone calls him loverboy, player, romeo and stuff, I prefer calling him cupid cos that'd make him way more rare. We already have more sluts than we should. Also, cupid's an angel, and romeo's a dumbass. Anyway, it's safe to say that I am in love, AGAIN! He's got cheeks like whipped cream, and his neck smells like how happiness would if it were a fragrance.

Sigh.

I'm now awaiting his arrival from the hospital. My mom left 4 hours ago, leaving me a set of very specific instructions, which I carried out in a hurry without stopping to brush my teeth. 3 hours later, I'm still super excited (if I had a tail, it'd be wagging furiously), and a little irritated at how long it's taking, cos I need to make a trip down to my office to pick up a few things I need to complete before tomorrow morning. Hate having to do this, but I guess that's just how doing something you don't love is.

I want so much more quality in life. Not in clothes or gadgets or assets. I want to have all that I need, and to be away from people and organisations who need to gauge my assets to place me in categories. I don't want to fight with my boyfriend cos he's so far away and we can't cope with the distance. I want him to be my husband to be with me always, cos we want to, not cos it's time to get married to collect our keys to our HDB flat, which we have to wait ages for. I don't want to collect the keys to a flat that we're only gonna give out for rent, since we'll be overseas. I don't want to leave my family and be overseas for reasons like work. It's really not something I can bring myself to do I think, but I'll have to start gathering the strength to not cry while doing so. I hate that he has to do this for a better future for himself, and I hate that he is right, cos I hate how the world works. Economies, industries, monopolies, injected chickens, force-fed geese. Most of us aren't very different from a plate of foie gras, if you think about it.

Ah well. If you can't beat the system, stay in it. Right?

Whoooa. Back here after 8-9 months!

I just re-read my previous post, and with much dismay I reveal that I am still aching for a baby. And still feeling stupid about it.

Just this morning, I dreamt that I was pregnant and over the moon, but realised close to the due date that my tummy still didn't look bigger than a big dinner bump, and that my baby had somehow disappeared. And I knew that my baby was gone when I opened my tummy up like a drawer (the insides were clean, green-painted wood), and saw that it was empty. Then I went into a state of confusion, depression, and semi-denial. You know what was weird abt this whole thing, besides the fact that my tummy remained small and my baby went missing from my drawer tummy? I had no husband/fiance/boyfriend! Venga was nowhere in that dream, and I was all alone. Also, some guy was trying to chat me up, while I was waiting to cross a traffic light. One of the oddest dreams I've had so far. 

I wouldn't mind being able to check what's in my tummy by opening it up like a drawer, tho. And the green was a nice, pretty shade, really.

Anyway! I shld probably talk about what's happening in my life, since this is my blog and all. Let's go through this categorically.

Work

I'm with a security company which's located around the central of Singapore. The pay is just nice for now, and the working hours are pretty standard. Am doing accounts here, but will be switching over to HR starting late February 2013. I cannot be happier about this move, and am hoping to stay with this company for the next 2 years, at least. *crosses fingers and toes* 

Studies

Urgh, just urgh. I'm not done with this goddamned diploma. The reason is that I keep switching jobs, and the jobs I get require me to stay after normal working hours, resulting in my being barred from the exams or having missed enough lessons to not know what the hell is going on. Yeah, I still could have worked at it and put in real effort and completed my modules, but I just did not want to. Working full-time, studying part-time and handling your relationship at the same time is no joke. Many ppl finish their studies with a lot more on their plates, I know, but I just don't feel that my studies are a priority right now. In fact, it was a mistake, enrolling for this crappy diploma in this crappy school. I NEVER get replies to any email, unless I cc some Tom, Dick or Harry with authority. That's no excuse, ofcos. I do admit to not giving enough fucks abt this diploma to complete it. Next year, I'll buy myself a place in a course I actually have interest in. Got my eye on 3 of them right now. I still get jobs that pay alright without any certs, so I am fine as long as I finish my degree before I get married and stay in Australia a few years, which brings me to...

My stupid boy.

He's in Sydney, Leura. SO FAR AWAY. Started his degree in tourism September/October last year, and he'll be done in 2015, which is when he'll get a job there, since it'll be an easy thing to do, after having completed 2 attachments. He'll then come back, marry me, stuff me into a bag and bring me back with him to whichever part of Australia he'll be working in. I'll then try find a job there, or bake cakes all day for my own consumption and drive him mad with bills for flour, cocoa and butter. 

The move won't be permanent, ofcos. I've old parents, and cannot bring myself be away from them for too long. Unless I'm so rich, I can afford frequent travelling. That shall be Plan B, The Plan In Case of Very Good Luck. :D

LDR Madness

Being in a long-distance relationship is like arse. Really. Nothing pleasant about it. All that bullshit about the sweetness in missing someone who's so faraway and having them miss you back is bullshit. That bullshit, is bullshit. It feels too terrible for sweetness, and it feels lonely even if you have a lot of friends, and all you can do is keep yourself busy, so that you keep yourself at least at the edge of sanity. 

There's also that part where you take a smaller role in someone's daily life that feels like crap. The only plans you can make are phone or video call dates. The limit to how much you can share with your bf/gf in terms of experiences is horribly small no matter how much technology advances, and that's always gonna be misery-inducing. I know misery is quite a big word, but I saw him almost everyday for the past 3 years, and to suddenly lose the ability to do so still knocks the wind out of me. 

I really miss his face.

Wedding Bells

We're getting registered at the end of next year. Gonna be married by law to a stupid boy, yay! It's gonna be a pretty simple affair, since both of us are not very into grandeur. Probably 50 people or so in a quiet restaurant. Our temple wedding the year after will be simple too; a quick carrying out of necessary rites at the altar itself, not in a hall. I am not a very religious person, but I do believe in energy that can be found in altars and statues of deities that have been worshipped at/on for years. So I wanna do this right, for reasons that sound right to me. 

I mean no offense to anyone's beliefs/ideas, but I think getting married in a hall in front of a big crowd of people, worrying if you look okay is just too much of deviation from the purpose of traditional marriage itself. It's supposed to be you and your partner, uniting with god as your witness, promising to be together always, while being drenched in good energy and vibes. At least, that's what I want, being someone who's very much in love and has sworn to stay in love till she expires. 

Sooo...yeah, I don't want to be on a stage, sweating my makeup out, asking ppl nearby if my lipstick's still on, spot ppl I don't give a damn about when I look up at the crowd/ spectators, and be obligated to feel thankful for their presence at my wedding. I want it to be just my stupid boy and me, the priest, a well-loved altar, immediate family, ppl who are very close to our hearts and are genuinely happy for us, and one professional photographer and a videographer. I won't use any foundation and I'll dress as early 1900s as possible. Just love the clean, natural, old-fashioned yet classy look. And my stupid boy will be all manly and insanely handsome in his white jippa and vaetti. 

Siiiiigh.

Oh, this doesn't mean that our knot-tying with be void of merry-making, tho. We're gonna have a beach party for extended family, friends, colleagues and stuff, with drinks (alcoholic and non) and bbq-ed food, and hopefully, a bubble machine! I really really want bubbles. Must try convince the bf that it'll be an important feature at our wedding.

OKAY! I'll stop talking about a wedding that's sadly, ages away from taking place. Actually, I think I'll stop talking altogether, for now. My father got me mee pok hours ago that's still awaiting consumption.

*waves*

I think I should take stock of my life every month. Wait, I do somewhat do so already, since I get broke every stretch of 28 days, followed by a day of false and dangerous feelings of being surrounded by riches.

'28' makes it sound a bit like I am talking about my menstrual cycle, huh? I am a pretty happy girl, the first day of my period. I do feel little people in my body pulling at strings tied to my tummy and groin, plus that big heavy bitch who perches herself on my hips and tailbone for 2 days. BUT, everytime I spot red each month, I do a tiny whoop for joy!

No baby = yes to current psuedo-peace.

See, my biological clock is ticking like it's the NYE countdown all year long. Every single time I see a baby, I want one. BADLY. This is due to no fault of my own, and does not make me a freak of nature, since I'll be 26 this December. Yeah, so I'm a teeny bit desperate to have a kid, but only in feeling, since I am NOWHERE near ready $$$-wise. Oh, there's that little fact that I'm not married yet. Pulling a Rachel is trouble, to say the least.

Still, I want have a child so much, I'm afraid I might put that out to the universe so strongly, I might end up doing a Rachel. Okay now I sound like Phoebe.

Anyway. That's why I'm all smiley on my day 1s.

Did I actually say day 1? Why am I talking about my period? Maybe I am subconsciously trying to encourage it to show up already this month, since it's due.

Dullest post ever. Hate creating input on my phone.

Have you had Van Houten's Chocolate Buttons? I think it's the perfect snack for someone who doesn't care how fat she's getting. And that's exactly why i shall now keep this half-empty pack away.

I miss going out! Lately, I've only been travelling to and from work, with dinner with the bf thrown into my super exciting mix of activities once or twice a week. Odd... I just wanna get home and play with my nephew and bunnies these days.

Oh yah! I've not announced my adoption of bunnies to the blogiverse, yet! I am the proud owner of 2 brown frantic fuzzies; PfatBoy Wabbit and Boney Wabbit. They're both male but they love each other all the same, cos that's what bunnies do. Funny how I always end up with gay rabbits. Anyway. They're such lovely, filthy things!

Here's Boney, who's 3 months old!

And here's Fatty who's 2!


<3 <3 <3

The fat one's got an FB account. Yes, I am mad. But not bored, mind you. Ah wth, i'm bored. I give in to streaks of insanity and risk coming off batshitcrazy just so i am kept entertained. If I weren't so full of bodily wobbles, i'd probably be the friendly neighbourhood flasher. No, exhibitionist! Sounds more respectable.

My chocolate buttons are still here, dark and inviting. Why can't my hands follow my will, for once?! Ah what the heck. I'm gonna start gymming next week anyway. Got a gym partner, which makes it tough to back out of.

Still, wish me luck.

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And here's another old dumb one.

___________________________________


I have a friend at work. A malleable, almost androgynous friend. Wanna meet him?

Say hello to........ Tack!!



Sweet isn't he? That's his happy smile.



Tack watches me work. That's his favourite activity. When I nod off while doing one of the few mundane tasks that're part of my duties, he squeals just loud enough for me to hear. Also, he discreetly snarls at ppl who try to push their work to me, which encourages me to tell to them to go wank somewhere. Such a darling, yes?

He's been complaining abt his looks (I think he's always looked stunning. But there's no convincing him. Sigh.) so I decided to give him a makeover. After much careful thought and processes, here's the end product;





He loves the tiara-like thing I did for him!



Side view!

He's happy with his new look, and has decided to name himself Shiny Bluetack. Tacky name, but I'm glad he loves my work! Let me know what you think!

And I love you, Tack!



Kill me.

I was doing my nails last night when an old post of mine came to mind. God how i loved blogging abt stupid things regularly!

____________________________

I'm sure you're familiar with the term 'read between the lines'. And I'm preeetty sure that if you're reading this, you're a young(ish) person, so, you shld be aware of the more offensive meaning the phrase holds, usually meant while displaying your hand with its 2nd, 3rd and 4th digits sticking solidly out.

Like this:

A friendlier version wld be,

So, you're frikkin pissed with someone and you want them to know they're shit and contemplate using the 'read between the lines' thing, cos it's a rude gesture, obviously. Then you think, "Alamak, I saw that primary school kid use it on her grandma yesterday. I got to come up with something btr and cooler!" Now that's when, if you're smart enough, the idea of the super fuck springs to your mind.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Tadaaa!!

I present to you, the super fuck!!

My middle finger has got a pattern on it that is quite phallic, and it's got what is supposed to look like drops of urine on the fingers beside it. Aaaand, a tiny representation of the penis on my little finger(to say,'you're such a loser, your dick's like that!') , and another on my thumb too, which, unfortunately, wasn't photographed.

There you have it. The perfect, illustrated, cheemified insult.

Use it on someone. The reaction you'd get will first be this:

and once the full implication of your manicured nails are registered, you'll get this:

Marvellousness, yes?

You got a fantastic insult readily available AND, you have an excuse to get your nails done if you're a guy. What more cld any bitch ask for?

Get your super fuck done today!

My boyfriend doesn't like receiving flowers. WHY SO MALE?! Sigh. I love him anyway.

Happy Valentine's Day. :)

It feels really funny to be emotionally detached from family. I wish my choices were more...easily acceptable.

Yeah, having a good family is a very precious thing, and I honestly am one of the luckier ones in that aspect. But it's almost been 3 years, and there is only so much I can take. It shows on my face, my eyes and in my headaches.

I can't go away though. That will be very selfish of me and I just wasn't brought up that way.

But you never know.

posted from Bloggeroid

Yoooohooooo! I've got to get blogging again, really. I know noone comes here, but this is my little space (I've more space on blogger than cupboard space) and I still kinda love it. Like a mad toddler that belongs to me or something.

Be back! :)

I am so proud of myself. I think I have actually matured, somehow! I am not gonna explain here, but yay yay yay yay!

posted from Bloggeroid

Testing!

posted from Bloggeroid

Testing!

posted from Bloggeroid

Turns out I was being stupid. :) Okay, wait no, misled. That works better in my favour.

Cream crackers and milo make such an addictive combination. I actually feel like having crackers and milo instead of working. And at lunch time, I wanna have crackers and milo again. Ooo, and at tea time! Maybe dinner too. I don't have the habit of having supper, so I'll give it a rest. Or maybe not.

Feel like I am not enough. Like I am made of unfulfilled needs.

I wish I could say that I knew I'm being stupid.

gonna make tom yam soup tonight! is it normal to have pumpkin chunks in it? i'm hoping the sweetness of the pumpkin will go well with chilli padi and the sourness of assam. let's see! will post the recipe here if it's any good.

my F of IT assignment is due wednesday, and the assignment questions and module notes are still packed away in some box that's buried under many of it's other boxy friends. sigh.

btr get cracking. it's gonna be a long night (bought extra strong chinese tea that calls itself the best in the world) and I have soup to make.

happy saturday! :)

So my crazy old oven got fixed. Now it's my good old oven, and I figured a good way to celebrate it would be to experiment with some flavours I've never put together before. And I got this;



Vanilla cake, orange jam filling and lightly spiced icing. I just sent a friend the recipe, and decided I might as well post it here too.

THE CAKE.

You need 250grams each of
- self-raising flour
- castor sugar
- unsalted butter (I used Buttercup)

and

- 200ml buttermilk (I don't purchase actual buttermilk, just a tablespoon of vinegar mixed with 200ml milk is gd enough)
- 3 eggs, yolks and whites separate. whites beaten till fluffy
- 20ml vanilla essence, or more if you like
- 0.25 teaspoon baking powder

Baked for an hour at 130 degrees celcius in a convection oven.

After it cooled for about an hour, I cut it horizontally in preparation for...


THE JAM.

Okay I kinda lost the exact amounts of all that I used, but what I did was

1) grate 3 oranges, kept the rind aside
2) cut up the orange flesh, making sure to remove any white parts cos I didn't want any bitterness today
3) got the flesh to simmer in a saucepan with
- about a cup of brown sugar
- water
- 2 cinnamon sticks
- previously grated orange rind

It became a gooey mess, which I threw into a grinder so as to get it more...spreadable, less chunky. I am very sure this is not the proper way to do it, but I didn't plan to keep the jam for long, so it's fine lah.


THE ICING.

- icing sugar (use as much as you need till you get the consistency you want)
- 50 ml of milk steamed in cardamom seeds (not whole pods)

You might find the icing weird cos it's got cardamom and might taste like some indian sweetmeat while you're making it, but when it's spread thinly over a cake, it hardens to taste pretty good, though it really depends on your preferences. Some ppl don't fancy cardamom. Also, I didn't wanna use butter cream or fresh cream for icing cos I was afraid it'd make the cake too...heavy. But you nvr know. Might be good.

Yep, don't think I've left anything out. If you're gonna bake it, enjoy! I sure did. Had Coldplay on loop, and it was raining. Bliss. I should go back to regular baking.

Off to bed! Is it really Monday already? :-/