Wah, I can actually post my location here? Everything feels so Facebook these days! I must admit that I'm a little excited about hitting the 'Publish' button to see how/where the location info shows up. In fact, I'm trying my best not to start contemplating publishing this much first.

Urrrrgh, I hear horrible singing from the hall. Thank god it's a tv show and not a tone-deaf family member.

You know, I come from a family of talented ppl. Talented in terms of performing and creative arts. My father used to sing well (he's now 72 and nature is cruel), my mom can carry tunes too, all my sisters are pretty alright themselves, and that's without any training. I don't know much about my own singing, cos I'm painfully shy, and cannot sing unless I'm sure there's noone around who can form an opinion on my crooning abilities. I was chosen for the school choir when I was in secondary one, after a voice test that I did NOT want to go through. I attempted to get out of the group, but my school's choir was pretty small, and the teacher in charge was having none of it. I did manage to quietly escape a year after, after persistently skipping practises.

The teacher (Ms Lee or something) pulled me aside and asked me if I thought the choir was a playground. I slowly nodded, not cos I was being defiant, but cos I did not catch what she said over the racket the rest of the nerds were making. Haha I remember how she went, "What?!" and repeated herself, which was when I giggled inside my head and satisfied her with a no. I stopped going altogether after the SYF judging thing. We won some prize...bronze or gold, can't remember. Have the cert somewhere. Or not. Sigh. Btr organise my shit so that I know what's where. I'm still looking for my Archie comics. But I'm always pissed off with Archie for being a fickle asswipe, so those aren't a priority I guess.

I like blogging. It takes my mind of things.

Oh hey, my 3rd sister gave birth to her 2nd boy on thursday! He's a Valentine's Day baby. While everyone calls him loverboy, player, romeo and stuff, I prefer calling him cupid cos that'd make him way more rare. We already have more sluts than we should. Also, cupid's an angel, and romeo's a dumbass. Anyway, it's safe to say that I am in love, AGAIN! He's got cheeks like whipped cream, and his neck smells like how happiness would if it were a fragrance.

Sigh.

I'm now awaiting his arrival from the hospital. My mom left 4 hours ago, leaving me a set of very specific instructions, which I carried out in a hurry without stopping to brush my teeth. 3 hours later, I'm still super excited (if I had a tail, it'd be wagging furiously), and a little irritated at how long it's taking, cos I need to make a trip down to my office to pick up a few things I need to complete before tomorrow morning. Hate having to do this, but I guess that's just how doing something you don't love is.

I want so much more quality in life. Not in clothes or gadgets or assets. I want to have all that I need, and to be away from people and organisations who need to gauge my assets to place me in categories. I don't want to fight with my boyfriend cos he's so far away and we can't cope with the distance. I want him to be my husband to be with me always, cos we want to, not cos it's time to get married to collect our keys to our HDB flat, which we have to wait ages for. I don't want to collect the keys to a flat that we're only gonna give out for rent, since we'll be overseas. I don't want to leave my family and be overseas for reasons like work. It's really not something I can bring myself to do I think, but I'll have to start gathering the strength to not cry while doing so. I hate that he has to do this for a better future for himself, and I hate that he is right, cos I hate how the world works. Economies, industries, monopolies, injected chickens, force-fed geese. Most of us aren't very different from a plate of foie gras, if you think about it.

Ah well. If you can't beat the system, stay in it. Right?

Whoooa. Back here after 8-9 months!

I just re-read my previous post, and with much dismay I reveal that I am still aching for a baby. And still feeling stupid about it.

Just this morning, I dreamt that I was pregnant and over the moon, but realised close to the due date that my tummy still didn't look bigger than a big dinner bump, and that my baby had somehow disappeared. And I knew that my baby was gone when I opened my tummy up like a drawer (the insides were clean, green-painted wood), and saw that it was empty. Then I went into a state of confusion, depression, and semi-denial. You know what was weird abt this whole thing, besides the fact that my tummy remained small and my baby went missing from my drawer tummy? I had no husband/fiance/boyfriend! Venga was nowhere in that dream, and I was all alone. Also, some guy was trying to chat me up, while I was waiting to cross a traffic light. One of the oddest dreams I've had so far. 

I wouldn't mind being able to check what's in my tummy by opening it up like a drawer, tho. And the green was a nice, pretty shade, really.

Anyway! I shld probably talk about what's happening in my life, since this is my blog and all. Let's go through this categorically.

Work

I'm with a security company which's located around the central of Singapore. The pay is just nice for now, and the working hours are pretty standard. Am doing accounts here, but will be switching over to HR starting late February 2013. I cannot be happier about this move, and am hoping to stay with this company for the next 2 years, at least. *crosses fingers and toes* 

Studies

Urgh, just urgh. I'm not done with this goddamned diploma. The reason is that I keep switching jobs, and the jobs I get require me to stay after normal working hours, resulting in my being barred from the exams or having missed enough lessons to not know what the hell is going on. Yeah, I still could have worked at it and put in real effort and completed my modules, but I just did not want to. Working full-time, studying part-time and handling your relationship at the same time is no joke. Many ppl finish their studies with a lot more on their plates, I know, but I just don't feel that my studies are a priority right now. In fact, it was a mistake, enrolling for this crappy diploma in this crappy school. I NEVER get replies to any email, unless I cc some Tom, Dick or Harry with authority. That's no excuse, ofcos. I do admit to not giving enough fucks abt this diploma to complete it. Next year, I'll buy myself a place in a course I actually have interest in. Got my eye on 3 of them right now. I still get jobs that pay alright without any certs, so I am fine as long as I finish my degree before I get married and stay in Australia a few years, which brings me to...

My stupid boy.

He's in Sydney, Leura. SO FAR AWAY. Started his degree in tourism September/October last year, and he'll be done in 2015, which is when he'll get a job there, since it'll be an easy thing to do, after having completed 2 attachments. He'll then come back, marry me, stuff me into a bag and bring me back with him to whichever part of Australia he'll be working in. I'll then try find a job there, or bake cakes all day for my own consumption and drive him mad with bills for flour, cocoa and butter. 

The move won't be permanent, ofcos. I've old parents, and cannot bring myself be away from them for too long. Unless I'm so rich, I can afford frequent travelling. That shall be Plan B, The Plan In Case of Very Good Luck. :D

LDR Madness

Being in a long-distance relationship is like arse. Really. Nothing pleasant about it. All that bullshit about the sweetness in missing someone who's so faraway and having them miss you back is bullshit. That bullshit, is bullshit. It feels too terrible for sweetness, and it feels lonely even if you have a lot of friends, and all you can do is keep yourself busy, so that you keep yourself at least at the edge of sanity. 

There's also that part where you take a smaller role in someone's daily life that feels like crap. The only plans you can make are phone or video call dates. The limit to how much you can share with your bf/gf in terms of experiences is horribly small no matter how much technology advances, and that's always gonna be misery-inducing. I know misery is quite a big word, but I saw him almost everyday for the past 3 years, and to suddenly lose the ability to do so still knocks the wind out of me. 

I really miss his face.

Wedding Bells

We're getting registered at the end of next year. Gonna be married by law to a stupid boy, yay! It's gonna be a pretty simple affair, since both of us are not very into grandeur. Probably 50 people or so in a quiet restaurant. Our temple wedding the year after will be simple too; a quick carrying out of necessary rites at the altar itself, not in a hall. I am not a very religious person, but I do believe in energy that can be found in altars and statues of deities that have been worshipped at/on for years. So I wanna do this right, for reasons that sound right to me. 

I mean no offense to anyone's beliefs/ideas, but I think getting married in a hall in front of a big crowd of people, worrying if you look okay is just too much of deviation from the purpose of traditional marriage itself. It's supposed to be you and your partner, uniting with god as your witness, promising to be together always, while being drenched in good energy and vibes. At least, that's what I want, being someone who's very much in love and has sworn to stay in love till she expires. 

Sooo...yeah, I don't want to be on a stage, sweating my makeup out, asking ppl nearby if my lipstick's still on, spot ppl I don't give a damn about when I look up at the crowd/ spectators, and be obligated to feel thankful for their presence at my wedding. I want it to be just my stupid boy and me, the priest, a well-loved altar, immediate family, ppl who are very close to our hearts and are genuinely happy for us, and one professional photographer and a videographer. I won't use any foundation and I'll dress as early 1900s as possible. Just love the clean, natural, old-fashioned yet classy look. And my stupid boy will be all manly and insanely handsome in his white jippa and vaetti. 

Siiiiigh.

Oh, this doesn't mean that our knot-tying with be void of merry-making, tho. We're gonna have a beach party for extended family, friends, colleagues and stuff, with drinks (alcoholic and non) and bbq-ed food, and hopefully, a bubble machine! I really really want bubbles. Must try convince the bf that it'll be an important feature at our wedding.

OKAY! I'll stop talking about a wedding that's sadly, ages away from taking place. Actually, I think I'll stop talking altogether, for now. My father got me mee pok hours ago that's still awaiting consumption.

*waves*