Jogged in the rain yesterday! It was so so good. Yeah I felt like I shld stop cos my heart was threatening to burst, but doing it in the rain was wonderful! Heehee, 'doing it in the rain'. Teeeeeheeeee!

Ahem. Anyway. I was panting like a fat child just 2 minutes into it. How sickening to realise that some aunty can coolly outrun you (yes she did. =( ). I must make this exercise thing a regular occurrence. This is so that a) when I get frightened by a dead rabbit, I can run with much efficiency b) I'll grow older not feeling so guilty about eating slightly more than I used to during my less happy days, which is what I've joyously been doing recently and c) I'll have less jiggles in my thighs so that I won't have to think twice about doing the chicken dance if the occasion called for it.

Today shall be a day of indulgence, tho. My stupid boy will be mine the whole day. :-D

There's this feeling of unrest... I can't decide why.

http://www.aware.org.sg/2010/07/my-short-skirt-invites-you-to-violate-me/

Of all the comments, I agree with this;

'Robin
July 29, 2010 at 3:49 pmI think some of this stems from the way some (of course not all) men split women into a dichotomy: those that you marry and those that you f@ck.

In both cases the woman is seen purely in terms of her value to men instead of being recognized as an individual.

This little survey drills down on the topic with more specifics: http://bit.ly/dyKYBx'


and this the most;



'Wake Up
August 3, 2010 at 10:26 pmThese guys are not raping the hot girl. Nobody is raping the hot girl. They are too scared stiff of her to even try get her number.

Tall talk of rape of the hot girl is not rape. It’s sour grapes.

The rapist doesn’t go after the girl he thinks is too good for him, who laughs at how pathetic he is.

He rapes the one he think he can dominate, the one he can overpower. It’s about power, not attraction.

Yes drunker makes her easier prey. But the girl on the train was not drunk.

The rapist is looking for the girl he thinks is weak, who won’t report him, who will fear him, who he can threaten, who he thinks will feel too guilty or scared to do anything about it afterwards… Whether this girl is dressed as a nun or a call girl he doesn’t really care.

Later the excuse may be “the skirt was too high” “the jeans were too tight” “the lipstick too red” “the look too tempting” but it’s all just to try wriggle out of the truth of the crime and sadly we buy into the story. “Maybe she did play a part… may she was too tempting.” BS.

Yes don’t get so high that you don’t know where you are and who you are with. Yes don’t be so friggin stupid as to go into a flat or on to a boat with 6 guys you don’t know. These are all stupid moves.

But if you want to rock that outfit when you are walking down the street or in a train, then you go. Guys always talk shit and they always will.'





It's so true, it doesn't matter what you're wearing. When I got chased in the train by an unfamiliar dick which was up at a 90 degree angle, I was wearing a turtle neck under a big brown knit granny cardigan that covered my ass, long black pants and covered flats. And big nerdy specs. It was one of those bleurgh days where I didn't give a damn what I looked like...which was just as well, considering. Turd actually spotted me waiting for the train and decided to come over and try his darndest sticking his member to my ass the next 5 minutes. I know this is incomparable to rape, but if I'd been in some deserted place, I wld've had a much worse day.

Just a few days ago...thursday night, I think, I got a bit of a scare cos I was waitin to cross a traffic light at selegie area, and this big person seemed to appear out of nowhere right behind me, with too little space between us. I stepped away to my right and saw from the corner of my eye that it was this man with long straight hair which is EXACTLY how the turd was like. My heart sank almost to my feet, when I saw boobs and realised it was just a slight giant of a woman. Argh.

Anyway, yes. No need to dress provocatively or be pretty. As long as you look like you have a vagina, you're 'asking for it'. Also depends on luck I guess. Men have obviously stronger bodies and if I'm fated to cross dark lonely paths with a rapist, I'll just hope he doesn't hurt me enough to need hospitalisation or, die. But, ofcos, I'll do the best I can to get him caught.

Ah well. In a world where a 6-month-old baby girl can get raped with her arms tied behind her back (was he really anticipating that much physical resistance?) and thrown down a rubbish chute, you really can't expect much.

The minty Kit Kats were good! They tasted almost exactly like After Eights, except with no glorious goo. Ooo I miss that goo. Mmm. New idea for a facebook status update. Haha.

Oh, as you can see, new background! Yep, that's my ass. It feels a little odd, looking at it cos I've never had a good, proper view of how I looked like from the back. So this feels almost like some random alien shot. Anyway. Photo & editing credit goes to Vin. :-D I just added that slight red tint and borders, and that place I was in looks absolutely gorgeous here. Nice, dreamy shot, isn't it?

Ah and yes, RAGANI'S COMING BACK SOON FOR CREAMY DOSES OF LOVIN'!

The wrongly accused.

Friend says:
ahemmm
eh
u look very pretty ah in ur fb dp
keep it up

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
hahahha farker

Friend says:
with ur guy
haha
wat!!!!
KNN
ppl give compliment

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
OH WAIT A MIN

Friend says:
also get scolded

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
you mean my FB pic ah?

Friend says:
gawd

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
not my msn pic?! (which, at this juncture, I need to say, is the image of sunrays forming a heartshape on the otherwise dull seat of a transitlink bus)

Friend says:
ur level of intelligence

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

Friend says:
is shrinking


Okay I know it's not thaaaat funny. Nvm.

Had a fantastic time with Kit at gulab jamun fest/dinner today. She makes me wanna visit Europe! Maybe I will, when I realise I've SGD 2399120931223 to spare.

By the way, I've recently begun realising that being my natural self is not really much good, in general. This is not a bad thing I think, maybe a little saddening, at most. Have to make things better, since I don't live in my own big dreamworld. Yep, here I am, talkin about dreaming again. And yes, I think Inception is a wonderful film. Haha.

Sometimes I can't help it though; when I'm reminded time and time again that I'm just one person who's really, in fact, alone. Alone in my experiences, emotions, ways.

Am I missing something, maybe? Was this supposed to be, perhaps, just a little less difficult? I might have made a wrong step, or two, while being typically me.


P.S: Got mint Kit Kats. Tell you how it tastes after I have one with the bf tmr. We both love mint. :)

I think I think I think, I shall blog tonight! Weeeeeeeeeee!!

Out of the deep deep blue, I realised with a slight startle that hey, I miss listening to Dido! Dumb mp3 player died on me a year ago. Mmm. It died when I told the ex that things weren't working out, and the player was a gift from him. Odd coincidence(?)...but that makes its death technically alright. The songs were my downloading effort, though!

I also miss my Kinks collection, RHCP songs (was listening to one at Long John Silver's yesterday and weeped an internal tear for all my lost songs), and the other lovely bits & pieces (random numbers by random/not so random ppl, including a recording of nephew #2's heavy breathing)

Yes, Dido, as I was saying. I love her voice. So soothing. And this song's one of my favourites.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

- White Flag

Ladidadida.

Oh, I didn't use that pink ribbon. It was a wee bit disgusting.

My mom had a look at these malay bridal photoshoot pictures and had this to say; 'this looks like you're having one last fling right before your wedding ceremony.'

-.-

























This is a mix of non-pro and pro photos. It was SUCH FUN! You can have a look at the photos I'm tagged in in Facebook if you're oddly curious enough to wanna see all the pictures available.

Need to get ready now. I'm gonna wear a pink sweater with a pink ribbon in my hair. Yes, eeeew and oh my god too!

Made lemon pudding last night! It's obscenely easy to make, and I'm glad I did. Know why? Cos I now have lemon pudding with blueberries in it (fresh whole blueberries scattered around the pudding body, and minty blueberry jam at the base) to stuff my face with, yay!

Quite unfortunately, I miss my stupid boy. I was supposed to see him today, but totally forgot about this museum trip that I expressed interest in a few weeks ago to the sisters. Had no idea it's to be today, so I'm kinda stuck due to my previously displayed show of...enthusiasm. If only I'd kept my big trap shut.

Sigh. Museums are lovely but my stupid boy's lovelier.

You might be wondering if he's actually honestly stupid. In truth, he's a big, clever boy wearing checkered shorts. I mean, come on, he's with me! That's a really really smart decision to make. Actually...not the smartest, considering. Nevermind.

Starting work at a new place tomorrow. I can be in jeans! This is marvellous due to the fact that my legs (actually, mostly just my right leg) are decorated with shitty scars that appeared cos of an interesting variety of reasons, one of them being my checkered shorted boy.

I'm aware that I sound disgusting, referring to him all the time in sickeningly adorable(?) ways. Oh but I can't help it! *sighs and falls into a disgusting heap of mush*

You might be thinking, 'there she goes again'.

You don't know half the story. ;)

Tagboard's up, along with a song by the favourite band. YAY! Now there's motivation to spout nonsense on a more regular basis.

Blog soon, when I've something more substantial(?) to say. :)

In more ways than one, the grass is never greener; you just get different grass types.

This is embarrassing, this state of affairs. Yet, since there is nothing to be done about it, there is this weird sense of calm. I can't fix it, try as I might. Moral failure, somewhat. Blame would naturally be on up-bringing or external influence(s). I ask you this though, how do you steer the mind of a self-possessed dreamer? A mix of an idealist and a realist, but a little unfortunately, a dreamer nonetheless.

Dream, dream, always dream. Dream about the good, dream about the bad, but don't wish for anything. Think about consequences, but don't be afraid of them. In my dreamy state, sadness is okay, happiness is okay, money is overrated, hurt is a negligent emotion, the world will take care of itself, we're all fine. Therefore, I'm fine. I've lost some faith, maybe I'm losing more, but I'm still dreaming, and I'm fine.

Okay this isn't exactly light and happy, but I quite love it, so it's here to stay. For now at least.

:)

My pay cheque clearance is a day overdue and that's cos the bank apparently did not receive it. I slipped it REALLY CAUTIOUSLY into the quick cheque deposit box and watched happily(such shortlived joy, tho) while gravity pulled it down. They better be giving that box a good clean-out as I speak cos if they don't find it, I'm gonna hunt their banking asses down cos there is no way I can borrow any more from my mom since, to date, I've borrowed SGD345976123879834720340124921, give or take.

Sigh.

ANYWAY. I'm having a snickers bar for lunch today. It's raining and I have 2 umbrellas at my disposal, but I'm just gonna have hot crappy vending machine coffee and munch on the chocolate yumminess that my stupid boy got me. Some sort of happy balance, maybe. It's become obvious over the years that no matter how much I try be smart with the way I hold the umbrella (y'know, depending on which way the wind's blowing), there's just no use.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit. The bank just called saying my middle name's missing from the cheque, which explains why it wasn't cleared. Now I gotta wait for my HR person to get back to me before I know when I'll get @*$!# paid. This. Sucks. Supremely.

Could be worse. At least I'm getting paid. It's nice having a job.

Oh that reminds me! I should do some work now that lunch's over. Yay! *giggles and twirls away bimbotically*

P.S: I'm changing my blogskin over the weekend. Something lighter and happier.

I've missed having a blog add that sounds young & dumb. So, I'm COMING BACK!

:-D

I hereby swear to blog this weekend.

In the event that my promise is broken, this blog post shall serve as an official invitation to kick my patootie in a very violent manner.

Thank you, come again!

P.S: If any of you are interested in taking up a diploma/degree awarded by UoL, please let me know and I'll tell you all about it.

P.P.S: Only if you're really interested. Don't test my knowledge, I might fail.

P.P.P.S: Yeah but I definitely can help you still.

Wow, it's May already. Things have been alright so far this year. I feel young again (tho too young, sometimes) and it's quite safe to say, that despite still being in limbo (am still married. damn anullment is taking ages), I'm having the time of my life.

And I hope you are too. :-D

I'm trying my best not to talk about Checkered here. That's not because I'm trying to keep things hush, but cos I MUST NOT become a boyfriend bore by gushing and gushing about him. I know how sickening it can be, and I REFUSE to get to that nauseating level.

NAAAAAAAAH. I think about him so often, it's impossible for him to not somehow appear in my thought processes. It's like this:

"I like foolscap paper. It's often clean and smooth. It used to be a joy writing compositions on them in secondary school. I miss my stupid boy. I didn't really like going to school. Must talk to MDIS about ending the deferrment. And after that, I wanna see my stupid boy. I wanna kiss him I wanna smell him I want I want I want."

Yep. Yep, I'm disgusting. Ah well. Makes sense, I'm in love. :)

I worry for us, I really do. The world is going to hell in a handbasket.

When we have kids, we have to be good parents, which at this point of time I personally think would translate to being smart, kind, and protective, but not to the point of being anal. Cos we don't want them to rebel and run away and die somewhere. More like...watching over our kids. Like Buffy's Watcher, Giles. Yah, and we got to let our kids be trained in self-defence/ass-kicking arts.

And we shld never leave our children alone with other men, even if it's your brother or something. God...such a sad state of affairs.

I should stop panicking stupidly and get back to work.

Oh my god.

I moved my swivel chair back a little and I swear it said 'Dhanyaaa'. And it sounded like the voice of a middle-aged chinese man. Honest.

By the way, this's my 666th post. I shall wear dark and sinister panties tonight after my jog with the mina cousin. Or, I'll put it on before I leave the house. Mmm. Decisions, decisions.

I'm going to make my own kite! And that's cos I'm too cheap to spend twenty dollars on one, AND cos (due to my abundant stock of creative juices) I've been itching to make something pretty + functional. So I'll be making a hopefully gorgeous kite tomorrow night, after watching Clash of The Titans with Checkered, and Saturday morning will be spent flying it with Hillbilly and SkinnyNadhen. Yay!

My swivelling seat is kiiiinda creeping me out.

The long weekend; it's finally here! I really shouldn't be blogging now cos I've not brushed my teeth, let alone showered, and I'm to see Kay in an hour and 4 minutes at city hall. We're going to Asian Civilisations Museum for this exhibition on the moghul empire, which I know nuts about. But ask me again in a few hours and I'll be much better informed! Probably.

And I'm really really really looking forward to tmr. The whole day is to be spent with Mr.C and I can't imagine a better way to spend a saturday. Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh. I've become a wee bit disgusting, I know. Everytime I think these corny thoughts, I go 'YUCK. Get a grip, dammit!' too.

Curly Kay beckons. Toodles!

Last night, I was out with 2 girls I've missed quite a bit; Hillbilly & SkinnyNadhen. They don't need pseudonyms (actually nobody here needs pseudonyms anymore cos omg, you can actually see a pic of my lover and me with a sunflower if you scrolled down really rapidly!) but these names are so fun to use! Anyway, it was good, sitting around and dragging guava-melon-mint-flavoured shisha and talking about many stupid things and interesting things and bitchy things(we all hate the admin manager at our old workplace. we secrectly refer to her as 'dot dot dot dot' on FB).

Do you think I shld stop using brackets? It's become an addiction.

By the way, you don't really have to read this. I'm somewhat practising documenting my honest feelings...or something like that. So if you feel like all this talk's getting really old, just stop mid-post, okay? That is, if you've not stopped by now. :)

As I was saying, we were talking. Obviously, I'm planning to introduce a certain topic over here, and that would be the ever-(un)exciting topic of my love life. The usual...shld have been single for a while before committing to Checkered. Yeah I see the logic in that. I mean...having 'belonged' to someone since the age of 15 (2yrs with ex-ex, a week later, 5yrs with ex-husband and now, Mr. C), I never seriously gave myself a break, which, by personal experience, might lead to straying...even if you love your 'partner' a whole lot. Honestly, I think the difference is in whether you treasure your relationship or don't. Or whether you're sure that he/she wants you for more than...physical and momentary pleasures.

Before I realised I should trust Checkered, there was a little bit of a grey period. It showed in my earlier blog posts; my unsureness, my trust, my unsureness again; my bouts of all things scary, relationship-wise. To tell the truth, after my initial elation that he and I have a shot at being together, I wanted to be single for a while; entirely free of any kind of commitment, be it serious or fling-like. I didn't want to do the whole 'he likes me, he likes me not' thing. Okay, I've never had to go through that, but I hear it sucks. I didn't want to stay up all night hoping I'm just a way of escape from boredom, I didn't want to feel guilty about thinking that way, didn't want to have answer to anybody, didn't want to give a damn about what I say to other men that might be misconstrued, I didn't want any such sticky shit. BUT, I fell in love. And I couldn't help but want him to want to keep me.

God. It's so funny how I never thought of such things when we were plain friends! I thought he was fantastic company...comfy to be with and full of dumb-assed things to say, shameless with mischief that's comparable to a small boy's. And a good heart. Yeah I did think we'd make a good match character&looks-wise, but that's it. Just the slightest bit of wondering, especially since he used to text me nonsense every night, while I happily texted nonsense back, and the late night phone conversations which sometimes resulted in both of us taking medical leave due to fatigue. This is where I thought he was gonna be my very first male best friend. Yeah, me and my collection of best friends, right? Haha.

Sooooo yep, it came to a point after we sort of got together where I felt that I shld make a choice; to ask for some time by myself, or to not. I actually thought I should...told myself I will, but I cldn't bring myself to. I think of his face, his smile, the way he makes me feel, the way I make him feel, how much I'd miss him. See, of all the people to leave, the guy you're mad about shldn't be one of them. By right lah. Haha. If I do it now, what guarantee will he have that I won't do it again? Oh, this leads me to the other reason that I eventually decided not to ask for a breather. My checkered-short-ed boy does not believe in gettin back with a girl who has initiated a break up with him before. Notice I didn't say he doesn't believe in getting back with exes, and that's cos he actually might give it a thought, as long as he was the separation-initiator. Everyone has their own personal set of rules or guidelines to keep their sanity/ego/etc intact, but this particular one is something I wasn't comfy imagining myself mulling miserably over, even if I had asked for some time alone, promising to be back (now, come to think of it, I cannot imagine having undergone a 'break'. sounds ridiculous). I decided to throw caution (plus a few Oreo wrappers. I miss you, Ragani) to the wind and kinda surrender myself to us, and fate, I suppose.

I really do over-display brackets (and semi-related thoughts).

You never know what's gonna be the best thing that's happened to you till you release your inhibitions, right? I know I'm not losing out on anything. :)