Who did it?

In all honesty, I'm not devastated, not elated, but just quite okay. And I quite like that. Cos there's comfort in 'emo-ing', as ppl now are so fond of saying. Hope I don't miss it when I find a reason to stop. Ha!

Oh. I have been keeping myself SO BUSY. Meeting almost everyone, and going out with the family for dinners and such. And I'm completely looking forward to working shifts at the coffeehouse. Maybe I shld get on a healthier diet; one that wld provide more strength to get thru the day. Hate those spots that magically appear in my vision whenever I get up from a sitting/squatting position. Time to listen to the mother! Sigh.

It's getting old, talking about myself. So full of 'I's and 'me's and 'am's. Maybe I shld try getting interested in celeb gossip and *clears throat importantly* current affairs.

Okay, I didn't think so either.

I love my mommy.

I think I'm getting a little addicted to doing ladies' nights. Can you blame me tho? Free entry, free booze, free absolutely everything except for food (we're drinking. food for what?!) and the cab ride home. In my case, I'm normally too broke/cheap to grab a taxi, so I'll get the last train home. Or, hitch a ride from some kind soul.

Two wednesdays back, I got shit-smashed and ended up piggy-backing on some guy I just met. And I puked on my friend's heels, which she had to dispose of. How embarrassing. Maybe I'll stick to vodka.

Need to get black pants for work! Monday monday monday!

Ragani, are you reading this? If you are, call me you skinny-arsed punk!

Say helloooo to the new barista! *claps for self*

Am done with that boring-assed job at the campsite. Monday onwards, I'll be a barista in the city area, but I cannot tell you which coffeehouse I'll be working at, in case you're a stalker-wannabe who's looking for a victim. HUR.

This is me taking a step towards realising my dream (which I can't tell you about either, in case I jinx it. teehee), and I am so ready for it, and that's mainly cos I am so damned excited! It's quite sucky that the pay is low, but ah heck, I just got to cut back on the impulse Louis Vitton and Versace purchases. *rolls eyes* Besides, I really want to experience working in a cafe, so here's the chance.

YAY!

Oh, Nazz will probably be working just a few shops down! Smoke breaks together!! JOY!!

Dammit, she's linked, and you can get clues from her blog. Darn. And I probably shouldn't even have mentioned Nazz, but ah well. Stalker's luck seldom gets better than this.

It's Tuesday. Half-priced waffles and girly talk beckons seductively. Got to leave in an hour, so toodles, and have a marvy week! :)

P.S: I appreciate the tags you guys leave. Really do. Thanks for caring, sweeties. :)

As much as the blame is mine, I will cry. As I love, and lose.

So, I can't stop tearing. This sorrow that I feel is only a little bearable. It isn't mine alone, obviously. But the pain I know, that's all mine. It's sort of filling up that bit of space in me that I've chosen to have vacated.

What's wrong with this girl? I know what's wrong. She's quite mad.

She took on more than she can handle cos she didn't think she'd have to be entirely ready for it. She thought all that mattered was that everyone else was. And that that's how it normally goes. She was so wrong. She wanted to be responsible, clear and marry the best guy she knew, and be a good wife. She kept it all inside, and got herself and everyone else in the picture screwed. And she is so sorry now. So very sorry. Sorry for the monumental fuck-up she created. And for all the hurt she's caused.

But sorry's no cure. Only moving on would work.

She'll move on, as he will too. She has to, she asked for it. She'll move on knowing that she might, or might not, have made the biggest mistake of her life, and that there is really no going back. There is no going back.

There is no going back. There is no going back. There is no going back. There is no going back. There is no going back. There is no going back. There is no going back. There is no going back. There is no going back.

There is no going back.

I know I've lost something good. There's a good possiblity that I've made a mistake. But I'll have to take the risk.

I'm dumb/smart that way.

So overwhelming.

At the rate things are going, I think I'm gonna have to chase guys away with a big, fat stick. Really. HELLO, I'm about to go thru a divorce. In what way do you think I'll be ready to... say... screw you? FUCK OFF LAH.

You're all wolves. Wolves.

It's all a wee bit interesting tho. Haha.

People can be so strange. I say, YAY!


°· her royal freshness ·° says:
okay!
I think I need to pee
brb!

rAjIv - a new lease in life says:
need help?

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
can manage I think

rAjIv - a new lease in life says:
u sure

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
think there shldn't be any cock up lah
literally
so yeah..shld be fine

rAjIv - a new lease in life says:
okie dokie

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
back!

rAjIv - a new lease in life says:
how was i
it*
everything went well
are u okay

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
it was absolutely gorgeous

rAjIv - a new lease in life says:
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
and we're all healthy, so it's good
wahahahhaha

rAjIv - a new lease in life says:
okaaaay



On a totally unrelated note, cold Kinder Buenos and del monte bananas make wonderful night snacks.

I think I hate myself.

But that's my problem. Oh well.

Hello freedom.

Fuck everything else. I love you. Stay strong, old friend. You'll be mine one day.

Guess what? He hates me! Woohoo!

How can one not hate the villain, really? I suppose your preferences do have to be very clear, especially if you're the good guy. And oh, preferences are currently extremely vivid, which makes it better to deal with, I guess; clearer boundaries, more black and white areas than grey. But is it really that simple?

How do we forget the good stuff just because it's bad now? How do you do an overwrite? Is that really what relationships are about? Can there really be no happy ending should we choose to part? Okay, I chose to part, yes, it was me. But I did us both a favour. The relationship was going places but I don't think I belonged in it. Often felt like an outsider looking in. An outsider who'd remark "What a weird match," shrug, and wander away.

It WAS beautiful though. No bed of roses, definitely. Bed of lilies (so much pollen, it'll definitely make a mess), maybe? I had a gorgeous time giving and receiving. I know I gave, cos I felt it come from my heart. That was no lie. And I definitely did receive. A bit too much maybe, considering the state of affairs now. 'Husbands' duties'. It was nice being pampered, though sometimes stifling. But I really didn't ask for it, so I suppose that's one less thing that I'm a bitch for doing.

What I'm without a doubt, a complete bitch for doing, is getting married when I did. Or, agreeing to getting married and liking the idea cos I was marrying a fantastic guy who was in love with me and whom I loved too. Sounds perfect, and it WAS perfect. Except...that little voice in your head that tells you you should brush your teeth before sleeping, that you shouldn't have any more to drink cos you're sufficiently high, and that you should have something to eat because you're probably about to faint in a bit, that voice in your head, it never fades. In fact, it gets louder as you immerse yourself in your predicament. And then it tells you, this will never do.

So now it's out. The measure of stupidity I possessed a few months ago is out on display, and I don't mind. I WAS stupid. But not anymore. I am not proud of having dealt grief to so many at once cos as hard as it is to believe, I'm not a sadistic nut. I merely want to put things right. For all of us. And we'll eventually get there, with enough time, hate and tears.

And I know I deserve to be happy too.

"Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes… just be an illusion.”

I miss everybody. I miss every single one of you.

I miss my twinnie, I miss Ragani, I miss all of my favourite people.

I do miss you, Jay. I know we're not the best of friends now, but I miss you all the same.

My ex-gangster colleague, on the H1N1 epidemic;

'This H1N1 flu ah, surely kenna mix with another virus then we all become zombies.'

and...

'Must faster find Milla Jovovich and clone.'

My dad called my mom in the morning to say that he's been thinking abt those couple of days when they were contemplating aborting me(due to financial reasons. I'm the 4th girl); the letter from the doctor, the appointment, the hospital visit. And he told her this: the only thing he's ever done right in his entire life was to decide to not abort me.

The only thing right in his entire life.

:)

So. My twinnie/best friend has left the country for good.

For good.

Bloody hell. Who the heck else is gonna call me when I'm busy, and complain that I don't pick up? Who else is gonna make me earrings and casually fish them out of her bag, in pretty gauze? Why do my best friends keep migrating?

You guys suck.

I don't like how this blog looks on Jay's WIIIIIIDE computer screen. My boxes on the right are cutting into the picture in a most unsightly way!

Let me now push away thoughts of template editing, and concentrate on my assignment. Frikkin @&!*#@& assignments that're taking so much research to do. Studying part-time while working full-time is no joke, man.

I can do it!

Someone thinks I'm Sister Mary.

Me : Hellooo.
Him: Sister Mary.
Me : Who?
Him: Sister Mary?
Me : Err no. You got the wrong number.
Him: Sister Mary. You are the chosen one.
Me : Ha! Is this Venga?
Him: Sister Mary, you are the chosen one. You are gonna be sacrificed!
Me : Ha ha ha. Who's this?
Him: Sister Mary. Sister Mary.
Me : Who the heck are you?!
Him: Sister Mary!
Me : Okay I'm Sister Mary. And who are you?
Him: *hangs up*
Me : *tries to decide whether to laugh or fume*

2 minutes later;

Him: Sister Mary!
Me : If you don't tell me who you are, I'm gonna hang up.
Him: Don't hang up Sister Mary!! I am Father James.
Me : You're WHAT?
Him: *sniggers and hangs up again*

Asshole called 2 more times, but I refused to pick up. I'm trying to finish up work so that I can leave at 6, y'know. And this bloody fool has disrupted my flow. I HAD to blog about it, and here I am, not doing my work!

I do want to know what other wacky stuff he has to say tho. I think I'm the ideal prank-callee. I know there is no such word. Don't mind me.

P.S: New background! Faceless as promised. Haha.

I'm gonna change my blogskin! Sick of seeing my face up there. So, the next background image will be faceless.

Curious? Wait and see. MUAHAHA!

I realise I have not blogged for aaaaaaages. That's probably cos I've absolutely NO TIME to. Doesn't help that I still don't have a personal lappy. Anybody feeling generous/likes me enough to get me one? Oh, and Hill says she wants one too. Who the heck is Hill, you ask? She's been working with me the past few months.

CRAZY BITCH ALERT!







We're wearing similar outfits today! Unintentionally, ofcos. It's happened around...3 times so far? I suppose we shld start letting each other know of our clothing choices in the mornings.



Twinnie!!!! The backside that's leavin in a month. :.(


Selvi, I and Nirmala at some random hotel. Don't Selvi and I look a bit alike?


Waiting to see the doctor at the polyclinic, on Tuesday. I love pulling sickies!

Time to take a breather. Might be back later!