Why does today feel like a friday? Maybe it's cos I got paid. Mmm.

Need to go off to see the bf now, tho I feel like blogging a bit. Be back tmr!

Moscato and cadbury's roast almond. A family bar, no less.

Yeah I thought I was joking earlier about studying with wine, too! Didn't actually think it might work. I was fully expecting to have a wandering mind that cldn't care less about business in the corporate/selling sense. Oh shit. Is that where I am now? How did I get here from my assignment focus? Sigh.

ONLY 2 GLASSES SO FAR and I'm a wee widdle woozy. Must be my recent lack of partying. I hear all my indian granddaddies spitting at me from their powdery graves. Omg maybe they were in some of the water I drank a while ago. Or maybe 23190831290 days back. Since they all got turned to ashes and might have gotten sprinkled over some river or sea or some water body, and water travels through condensation and evaporation. I drank my deceased relatives, wow. Maybe you did. And you peed them out.

They'd curse me if they knew my blog add, for sure.

I'm not sure I like having a busy schedule. Pros and cons. It's nice feeling important. It's also nice to feel negligible sometimes, just so I can remind myself that the big picture is so damn big that I don't have enough eyes to see the whole of it, let alone affect it. Sometimes, only sometimes.

Why the hell is that dumbassed vein throbbing so furiously behind my ear? Throbbing in the midst of hair. Today makes it 3 days of violent pulsating. I JUST WANNA KNOW WHY. Irritating length of...vital vein.

I wanted to be an actress when I was much younger. You had to be pretty to be an actress, that's what I thought. Which little girl wldn't want to be pretty? I then wanted to be a model, and maybe take part in pageants. You know, stuff you gotta work in many ways at. I quietly thank my mother for my shyness, and myself for the general laziness and boringness I possess, tho. Cos more than alot of things, I HATE being judged. Being tested is different. Being judged is worse, of the two.

I'd also hate to be well-known, even slightly. Don't have many dirty secrets, but for the ones I do have, I wldn't wanna need to keep an answer ready to feed the public in the hope that they'd form an opinion in my favour. I pity celebrities, I really do. Even the non-celeb celebrities here in Singapore. The shit that goes on about them...with supposed proof from a supposedly trusted source. Who cares how many guys she blew? She's married now, let's just hope they're leading rich lives.

Have to warn you, major generalisation ahead.

If your sister slept around alot, would you snigger and pass on her number? So what anyway? Are the good girls supposed to behave while guys they might marry go around being considered good cos they're taking care to screw only 'bad' girls? Bah, hate that way of thought.

'She's a whore, that's okay.'

'Nah she's such a good girl! Don't do anything to her.'

Bullshit. A girl is a girl. Her experiences made her whatever way she is. She probably didn't plan to be a slut. If you can't respect her, just don't do her. I think it cheapens the whole idea of sex and that it shld be had when there's mutual respect at least. Casual sex or otherwise, respect shld be considered a must-have. What do you think? I can't imagine copulating with someone who recognises me as just another free ho/number to call during dry spells, and not a person with preferences, ideals, thought processes, a heart, and most importantly, value. Somebody's sister, daughter, friend, mother or wife even. I'm not saying don't screw them; develop at least a little respect for them as individuals, then screw them. That way you set standards for yourself too, which can only be helpful. Unless you're damn hideous.

Anyway, the market for 'bad' girls only survive on demand. Noone can force you to jump on an ass. This means, by some complicated calculation that I can't be bothered to come up with right now, you probably have (unknowingly or otherwise) contributed to at least 0.5 a good girl going 'bad'. Even if you're damn hideous.

Dammit, I think I'll have one daughter, at least (my parents have 4). Got to teach her/them self-respect, impart wisdom, and the like. Wisdom, from me. HA. I don't even have wisdom teeth.

Now where was I?

I'm physically not the most beautiful woman in the world. Neither am I the smartest, nor the sweetest. And I wouldn't change a thing even if I could for free.

I know I'm the best thing that'll ever happen to you, while you're my best thing too.

:)

Ooo it's already been a week since I was last here! At this rate, the year will end in what will seem only like 3 months.

I was enjoying a drink at coffeebean & tealeaf, forum shopping mall yesterday evening. Alone. Does anyone else think this isn't odd? I had a mudpie with me, if you can call it that. I've had chocolate cake which had more moisture and cocoa in it. My iced moroccan mint tea latte was very good tho! I've missed that drink.

Alright, back to my assignment on motivation. HA! How ironic.

It took me 10 min to get to this page to do a new entry. Sucks that I'm paying to use snail-paced internet. Bloody NLB, bet it's on purpose.

Oh god, I sound like my father. :-o

My assignments are due next week! One's on Monday, and the other's Wednesday. And the Wednesday one is hardly even 10% done. Better make sure there's coffee and tea at home. Maybe I shld get some wine. Study date, with my split personalities and their splits!

Current happy factor: I'm to see my stupid boy in 1.5 hours! Yaaaay!

I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse. Except...I'd much rather eat a cow. Or salmon. Maybe we'll have mee goreng. Or an oyster omelette! The bf has never had such an omelette, and I think that will just not do.

I'm in no mood to do my assignment/ study. This is no good at all. My mom hates that I do work better at night. I ALWAYS get nagged at when I say I'll be up late working on my assignment. The lights will be on blah blah look at your eyes blah blah you use up so much milk for your drinks blah blah blah if you don't sleep I can't sleep BLAH blah blaaaaaah.

Do Scorpio mothers and Saggi daughters get along at all? Must find out.

I suppose I should at least attempt some work.

My mom saw my right boob. :(

I reached out for my facial scrub from the bathroom, and my mom caught a glimpse. I know she did when she went "I saaaaaw!"

Ah well.

OFFICIALLY SINGLE, BABY!

I shouldn't pull all-nighters, really. My assignment's supposed to be done by now but all I'm doing is nothing, productivity-wise. Should have turned in when the bf did; at least my eyes wouldn't burn when I put on my contacts in a few hours to head off to work. Suppose I'll be early for once. Haha.

That feeling of unrest I mentioned here months ago is back. (Was it here or at the other secret space? Ah, insignificant.) This isn't PMS, cos I'm pretty steady emotionally through out my cycle. Alright I know noone's reading, and if by some miracle, you actually are, I'm sure you don't care if I suffer from PMS or not, but it's 5.27 on a Monday morning and this is the space I've chosen for release.

I think I might be experiencing some sort of...numbness.

How significant is anything, really? Family, friends...love. Relationships. Are they really existent for happy purposes? My answer would be a loud yes, naturally, since I've beautiful people around me whom I know I'm bloody lucky to have. People who love me, whom I love dearly, and treasure very, very much. I don't doubt their importance as individuals, nor the significance of all they have to offer me or the rest of the world.

The question is, while noone understands me well, am I happy? Why the heck doesn't anyone, anyway?

Well I suppose I do keep things to myself. Can't blame me...since my views and explanations are seldom understood, and sometimes regarded nonsensical. But those are my explanations, and they make sense to me. Guess that's probably cos they're the results of MY reasoning and reactions to MY situations. So why bother?

How can you honestly love me without knowing me well?

I try talking. And I try, and then I try some more. Afterwhich I give up and settle for being mad/weird/dumb/. I AM all that, just not by default. I can be immature or mature, insensitive or very aware, but those don't define me. You can't do a label cos I'm a person, not a jar. Everyone gets different sides from me cos everyone's a situation; you get what you give. Most of the time. :)

I daresay noone knows me better than I do. And I do long for that to change...it's tiring having a filter; a wall of sorts. You think someone understands you, then they say something and up goes another layer of bricks.

There's an unexplainable kind of comfort in being alone with your thoughts though, don't you think? Maybe being understood is overrated. :)

I'm going thru my tagged photos on FB and I saw this particular old one with me, a bunch of friends, and 2 guys I've made out with. And now I feel like a slut. Well one is my bf now, but still? Baaaaah.

Bah.

ALRIGHT!

Changed my background and a few colours. I have no idea who that knocked up lady is, but that picture is very very beautiful, I think. I stole those images from the results of a google search for flowers and arranged them as seen above. Wait no...behind. Or beside. Ah, depends on your screen/browser. Anyway. If any of those images are yours, sue me.

My song's different too. Love this one...it's kinda special for a few probably obvious reasons. :)

Oh and yes, new chatterbox! I'll let it sit there to look pretty for a bit before deciding if I shld do away with it. I don't get as much traffic as I did before I closed this space late 2009, and I think that post-specific commenting function shld suffice. Ah, I'll see how.

I'm looking for a part-time/freelance job. Maybe tuition. I signed up at this agency and the only assignment I've been informed of so far is this primary school kid who needed coaching in english, math and HINDI. I am very aware that I did not list hindi as one of subjects I can do. Must be cos I'm indian. (Oooo bollywood is indian, so all things indian are bollywood.) I cursed under my breath but forced a smiley in my reply to the agency.

My assignments aren't keeping me awake. Sigh.

Good night.

Promise to self - new tagboard within 48 hours.

Okay maybe no tagboard at all.

Nah, I must have a tagboard.

But what's the use of it? I'll probably keep being spammed. I'm such a good spammee too, I hold conversations with those automated things.

Then again, I've always had a tagboard, and twinnie left a comment just a few days ago. It's a channel of communication, even if it's for spambots too.

If only this was a real problem and real issues were just as trivial. :)

Night!

Yes, I think my blogskin is boring too. Don't stare at me too accusingly, I'm working and studying at the same time WHILE having a boyfriend and a big family! Alright I probably just described the contents of the plate of the average girl. BUT. There's a slight difference in my situation.

See, I'm really quite lazy.

Sometimes, I'm astonishingly dumb.

Somebody get me more pineapple tarts from Joyus Pastries! And maybe a container or two of mini shrimp rolls, if they're selling any. And pls be quick, thanks! (they're not paying me for this, I just really want tarts. And shrimp rolls.)



Don't you want a big pool of that to dive into and eat your way out of?

I suppose I'll have a lot more to say about the long chinese new year break if I were chinese. If only deepavali had such wonderful public benefits. There's only 1 public Hindu holiday, even though there's thaipusam and all. So odd, aren't we obviously and very visibly busy on thaipusam and therefore would need to take leave or pull a sickie? Ah oh well. What you gonna do, right?

Class later! And my stupid boy's face after that. Yay. :)

Mee goreng for lunch! Nice big pack of it, and breakfast was yet another nice big pack of nasi lemak. I wonder how I'm only slightly plump, and not fat. Maybe it's all the long walks I take. Or maybe it's only a matter of time.

Wonder what my mom's cooking for dinner. My sister just got back from India this morning, so it must be something close to spectacular, at least. Ah, my mom could just make sambar and fried chicken and rasam and I'll feast in euphoria.

I love siew mai!

I also love the muffins that're sold near smith street at this tiny roadside stall that calls itself Serendipity. They're one of the best I've tasted so far, and my favourite's the banana muffin which's got real banana bits in it, and there's no taste of that fake flavour you get off artificial banana essence.

Isn't banana a funny word? Makes me wanna spell it bananananana.

Helsa adores the 'black & white' chocolate muffin, which, I must say, is really tasty too, but I don't get the same kick that I get out of biting into a baked bit of bananananana.

Oh and there's this german take-out place a few stalls down that sells (surprise, surprise) weiners (HEHE) and meatloaves and onion bread and stuff. Ah, the place has a blog! Here. Anyway. The food's delicious. He opens after 3pm during weekdays. I shld get paid for this.

Mee goreng's finally finished! I wish I had more siew mai.

It's gonna be a beautiful weekend. I can feel it. :) (but I'd feel it even more if pay comes in early this month.)

I will blog. Tmr! I don't like seeing my picture there, so I shall blog it down.

I don't know.

So here're my new frames! That's a really poor excuse for a shot, I know. Don't really feel pretty in specs, so I shrunk that image alot. Ah, look at me, the world's going to hell in a handbasket and I'm bitching about the downsides of being short-sighted.

I'll be 24 later. In 6 hours, to be exact, since I was born at 12.25am.

Can't say I'm dreading becoming older. There IS the pressure that comes with it; having to grow...financially and achievement-wise and probably in maturity too. Haha. I'm not ruffled by this tho. I know I'll do fine, am actually looking forward to what's to come.

I just hope I'm making good decisions for a change.

That previous post was saved as a draft, and I have no idea why. Anyway, I'M IN SPECS!

*does a couple of very unprofessional somersaults*

While the front's mostly black, the sides aren't of the same colour; one's green, the other's red. I got them cos they'd look a little weird to the normal eye, and plain interesting or even normal to the weird eye. Stupid boy really likes them, and he wants me to wear those at umm...some particular times.

Ahem.

I'm EATINGEATINGEATINGEATING and I think I might start calling myself Food from now on cos that's what I seem to be occupied with almost all the time! What I mean by this is this; I have meals. Then I have mini-meals in between. They're not all unhealthy, but that's a lot of intake. And lately I've become addicted to masala tea/coffee. Beautiful beverages. I feel like I'm drinking the very essence of love, when I slowly sip on and savour those things.

On the edge of madness, yes.

I've not had my tea for the day. Maybe that's why I'm shaking my legs. I think I'll get a popiah too. Or two.

A couple of my FB statuses for the year. It's been a good year, I think. :)

Gonna get my new frames in 2 hours.

wooooOOOT!!!

I'msoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcited at the idea of not having to wear contacts non-stop. I'm sick of the almost perpetual discomfort. Now contacts shall be reserved for days that I wanna look extra pretty. Yay.

Got to go now. Toodles!