Moscato and cadbury's roast almond. A family bar, no less.

Yeah I thought I was joking earlier about studying with wine, too! Didn't actually think it might work. I was fully expecting to have a wandering mind that cldn't care less about business in the corporate/selling sense. Oh shit. Is that where I am now? How did I get here from my assignment focus? Sigh.

ONLY 2 GLASSES SO FAR and I'm a wee widdle woozy. Must be my recent lack of partying. I hear all my indian granddaddies spitting at me from their powdery graves. Omg maybe they were in some of the water I drank a while ago. Or maybe 23190831290 days back. Since they all got turned to ashes and might have gotten sprinkled over some river or sea or some water body, and water travels through condensation and evaporation. I drank my deceased relatives, wow. Maybe you did. And you peed them out.

They'd curse me if they knew my blog add, for sure.

I'm not sure I like having a busy schedule. Pros and cons. It's nice feeling important. It's also nice to feel negligible sometimes, just so I can remind myself that the big picture is so damn big that I don't have enough eyes to see the whole of it, let alone affect it. Sometimes, only sometimes.

Why the hell is that dumbassed vein throbbing so furiously behind my ear? Throbbing in the midst of hair. Today makes it 3 days of violent pulsating. I JUST WANNA KNOW WHY. Irritating length of...vital vein.

I wanted to be an actress when I was much younger. You had to be pretty to be an actress, that's what I thought. Which little girl wldn't want to be pretty? I then wanted to be a model, and maybe take part in pageants. You know, stuff you gotta work in many ways at. I quietly thank my mother for my shyness, and myself for the general laziness and boringness I possess, tho. Cos more than alot of things, I HATE being judged. Being tested is different. Being judged is worse, of the two.

I'd also hate to be well-known, even slightly. Don't have many dirty secrets, but for the ones I do have, I wldn't wanna need to keep an answer ready to feed the public in the hope that they'd form an opinion in my favour. I pity celebrities, I really do. Even the non-celeb celebrities here in Singapore. The shit that goes on about them...with supposed proof from a supposedly trusted source. Who cares how many guys she blew? She's married now, let's just hope they're leading rich lives.

Have to warn you, major generalisation ahead.

If your sister slept around alot, would you snigger and pass on her number? So what anyway? Are the good girls supposed to behave while guys they might marry go around being considered good cos they're taking care to screw only 'bad' girls? Bah, hate that way of thought.

'She's a whore, that's okay.'

'Nah she's such a good girl! Don't do anything to her.'

Bullshit. A girl is a girl. Her experiences made her whatever way she is. She probably didn't plan to be a slut. If you can't respect her, just don't do her. I think it cheapens the whole idea of sex and that it shld be had when there's mutual respect at least. Casual sex or otherwise, respect shld be considered a must-have. What do you think? I can't imagine copulating with someone who recognises me as just another free ho/number to call during dry spells, and not a person with preferences, ideals, thought processes, a heart, and most importantly, value. Somebody's sister, daughter, friend, mother or wife even. I'm not saying don't screw them; develop at least a little respect for them as individuals, then screw them. That way you set standards for yourself too, which can only be helpful. Unless you're damn hideous.

Anyway, the market for 'bad' girls only survive on demand. Noone can force you to jump on an ass. This means, by some complicated calculation that I can't be bothered to come up with right now, you probably have (unknowingly or otherwise) contributed to at least 0.5 a good girl going 'bad'. Even if you're damn hideous.

Dammit, I think I'll have one daughter, at least (my parents have 4). Got to teach her/them self-respect, impart wisdom, and the like. Wisdom, from me. HA. I don't even have wisdom teeth.

Now where was I?