I'm at Starbucks and there's this bastard sitting right opposite, facing me, and I think my seating choice has never been more unfortunate. Yes, this beats having a mad old man beside me in the bus screaming 'cheebye' in sporadic bursts.

This fellow (dressed in a seriously screwed up yellow & brown printed shirt and not-so-cute nerdy specs) is a metre or less away from me, and busy acting busy reading the papers but I just KNOW he wants to be an ass to me. This is how I know; his main engagement at the moment is blowing at me. Really, blowing as in 'hoooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooo' blowing. I CAN FEEL HIS BREATH ON MY FACE. He blows couple of times every 3 minutes and it's now been about 8 minutes and I think it's a miracle that my macchiato is not all over his dumb, blowing head. Yet.

Ah. I just gave him this expressionless stare for like...5 seconds. And now he's real casually blowing at some other direction. Thank god it worked. Wld have hated to actually have to talk to him, to say something like, "Stop blowing at me". That wld have been so weird.

Maybe I shld get some cake.

Yep, 'tonight' was a long long time ago. Teehee. Ah, it's difficult to blog with a bf.

To illustrate my point, HERE'S MY STUPID BOY!

TOODLES!

It's been a while, hasn't it? Lately, I've been texting way more than typing. I think my thumbs actually shiver when they're not required to furiously jerk all over that keypad.

I shall blog tonight! About nothing in particular. As always. :)

Gosh I miss baking. Miss miss miss it! I remember those glorious brownie-making days. I was on a (brown) roll, I tell you! Ah well. The finances aren't the best at the moment (in other words, I'm utterly UTTERLY broke), so the batches and batches of brownies can wait. Oh, and I'm gonna bake more granny smith apple pies too. AND eclairs. And scones and breads and fruity buns and layers and layers of all kinds of cakes with all kinds of creams and nuts and fruits on/over/between them. And I shall stop this before I climax.

Ah, my stupid boy's busy studyin for his exams next week. I miss him way way way too much. Disgusting.

Oh, I'm moving back to the east! I've missed that area quite a bit. This move wasn't planned for earlier, but it's pretty confirmed now. December will see me saying bye bye to amk, and helloooo to pasir ris/ tampines. What sucks is that I'll be leaving my boy in checkered shorts in the north of singapore! Ah well. The country's pretty small; complaining would be pathetic. Also, change can bring about exciting things. :)

Can't wait to see you again, my stupid boy. Sigh.

If you used to visit this space way back, you'd know about the many many many times that I was approached by men who were absolutely NOT my type while walking home from the mrt station, and that they always turn up from behind (sigh). Since moving to ang mo kio though, I've had no such disturbances during my wonderfully peaceful walks home TILL a few nights ago. Double sigh.

I was contemplating on the pros and cons of making a small detour to get some minced meat noodles (the coffeeshop 15 min away from my home sells seriously fantastic minced meat noodles. my stupid boy agrees!) when I felt like I was being watched. I noticed the shadow of a man in my pathway, and did a little sigh. In the vehemence of my sighing, I tripped a little on a crack in the pavement like a typical indian heroine and this chinese guy in his late 30s/early 40s went, "Oh sorry! Sorry sorry!"

I did a quiet 'wtf...'.

He fished out his mobile and asked if it was too dark, and therefore if I needed illumination from his phone. I politely declined. So he proceeded to talk to me a while, and when he arrived at the bus stop where he apparently had to wait at for a friend, he told me I forgot something.

Me: What?
Him: Your number lah. Don't have your number then how to contact you?
Me: I have a boyfriend. I told you.
Him: Nvm lah, can be friends what.
Me: HAHA. Don't want lah.
Him: Aiyah okay lah. Must wait for my friend here. Bye, see you!
Me: Yah.

You might be wondering what the hell I'm doing actually replying to him, and my reasoning is this; it's 10+ in the night, and I'm walking home alone. I'd really prefer not to piss off some stranger who's tendencies I'm not aware of. Personally think that ignoring someone is a lot more rude than refusing to give him your number.

Oh and yesterday afternoon, at nephew #3's birthday party, a self-appointed video-camming middle-aged fellow asked me if I cld have the birthday boy on my lap, and ask him a few questions (happy birthday, do you like your birthday so far, did you get many presents, etc etc) so that he can film the whole thing. I obliged, but it didn't work out very well cos my nephew just wanted to run around in the drizzle. The guy then told me he did videography and photography, and he cld pass me his number, so that we can talk.

Me: Talk? Talk about what?
Him: Talk. Umm...talk...
Me: ???
Him: So...where do you work?

He insisted on passing me his number, so I just took it to cut the convo short, afterwhich he told me to give him a missed call, which I never did, ofcos. I asked my sister about him. He's apparently really unpopular with the ladies. Figures.

Time to wash my hair with tea! Toodles for now!

The saddest dream I've had in years. It brings me near tears, tho it's been 2 days since I had it.

He and I met up. I knew it was over, he knew it was over, I was trying to be obvious about the separation, but having a hard time doing it cos he was acting normal and happy. I cld see it was all a big show on his part, to try keep things going. My heart felt so heavy and I felt that familiar feeling of dumb helplessness, and was just carrying on casual conversation the best I cld.

We were about to enter a train when I stopped, looked at him, shook my head slowly like they do in the movies, saying, "No".

He hung his head, and I started crying. We hugged for a few minutes, weeping into each other's shoulders. His train came, and he was gone.

-.-

The niece and I were talking about birthdays yesterday and I told her all about the day she was born.

Madhu : I looked like this right? *does a scrunched up, pouty face*
Me : Something like that...maybe a bit less weird.
Madhu : Mmm...I didn't have teeth right?
Me : Yep, no teeth. :)

A few seconds later;

Madhu : But I did have a tongue right?

I'm going to see Ragani AND Jeevitha tmr night! And hopefully, Kit will join us! It's going to be a fantastic friday!

*swims in exclamations!!!*

If only I cld see my stupid boy sooner than sunday. Sigh. Saturday night shall be spent lounging around finishing that book of short stories (it's pretty interesting. the main characters are jews in all sorts of predicaments) that's a month overdue. I think I'll just keep that book. Wldn't be surprised if NLB banned me from borrowing stuff. They've been sending me hate mail for years. :(

Jogged in the rain yesterday! It was so so good. Yeah I felt like I shld stop cos my heart was threatening to burst, but doing it in the rain was wonderful! Heehee, 'doing it in the rain'. Teeeeeheeeee!

Ahem. Anyway. I was panting like a fat child just 2 minutes into it. How sickening to realise that some aunty can coolly outrun you (yes she did. =( ). I must make this exercise thing a regular occurrence. This is so that a) when I get frightened by a dead rabbit, I can run with much efficiency b) I'll grow older not feeling so guilty about eating slightly more than I used to during my less happy days, which is what I've joyously been doing recently and c) I'll have less jiggles in my thighs so that I won't have to think twice about doing the chicken dance if the occasion called for it.

Today shall be a day of indulgence, tho. My stupid boy will be mine the whole day. :-D

There's this feeling of unrest... I can't decide why.

http://www.aware.org.sg/2010/07/my-short-skirt-invites-you-to-violate-me/

Of all the comments, I agree with this;

'Robin
July 29, 2010 at 3:49 pmI think some of this stems from the way some (of course not all) men split women into a dichotomy: those that you marry and those that you f@ck.

In both cases the woman is seen purely in terms of her value to men instead of being recognized as an individual.

This little survey drills down on the topic with more specifics: http://bit.ly/dyKYBx'


and this the most;



'Wake Up
August 3, 2010 at 10:26 pmThese guys are not raping the hot girl. Nobody is raping the hot girl. They are too scared stiff of her to even try get her number.

Tall talk of rape of the hot girl is not rape. It’s sour grapes.

The rapist doesn’t go after the girl he thinks is too good for him, who laughs at how pathetic he is.

He rapes the one he think he can dominate, the one he can overpower. It’s about power, not attraction.

Yes drunker makes her easier prey. But the girl on the train was not drunk.

The rapist is looking for the girl he thinks is weak, who won’t report him, who will fear him, who he can threaten, who he thinks will feel too guilty or scared to do anything about it afterwards… Whether this girl is dressed as a nun or a call girl he doesn’t really care.

Later the excuse may be “the skirt was too high” “the jeans were too tight” “the lipstick too red” “the look too tempting” but it’s all just to try wriggle out of the truth of the crime and sadly we buy into the story. “Maybe she did play a part… may she was too tempting.” BS.

Yes don’t get so high that you don’t know where you are and who you are with. Yes don’t be so friggin stupid as to go into a flat or on to a boat with 6 guys you don’t know. These are all stupid moves.

But if you want to rock that outfit when you are walking down the street or in a train, then you go. Guys always talk shit and they always will.'





It's so true, it doesn't matter what you're wearing. When I got chased in the train by an unfamiliar dick which was up at a 90 degree angle, I was wearing a turtle neck under a big brown knit granny cardigan that covered my ass, long black pants and covered flats. And big nerdy specs. It was one of those bleurgh days where I didn't give a damn what I looked like...which was just as well, considering. Turd actually spotted me waiting for the train and decided to come over and try his darndest sticking his member to my ass the next 5 minutes. I know this is incomparable to rape, but if I'd been in some deserted place, I wld've had a much worse day.

Just a few days ago...thursday night, I think, I got a bit of a scare cos I was waitin to cross a traffic light at selegie area, and this big person seemed to appear out of nowhere right behind me, with too little space between us. I stepped away to my right and saw from the corner of my eye that it was this man with long straight hair which is EXACTLY how the turd was like. My heart sank almost to my feet, when I saw boobs and realised it was just a slight giant of a woman. Argh.

Anyway, yes. No need to dress provocatively or be pretty. As long as you look like you have a vagina, you're 'asking for it'. Also depends on luck I guess. Men have obviously stronger bodies and if I'm fated to cross dark lonely paths with a rapist, I'll just hope he doesn't hurt me enough to need hospitalisation or, die. But, ofcos, I'll do the best I can to get him caught.

Ah well. In a world where a 6-month-old baby girl can get raped with her arms tied behind her back (was he really anticipating that much physical resistance?) and thrown down a rubbish chute, you really can't expect much.

The minty Kit Kats were good! They tasted almost exactly like After Eights, except with no glorious goo. Ooo I miss that goo. Mmm. New idea for a facebook status update. Haha.

Oh, as you can see, new background! Yep, that's my ass. It feels a little odd, looking at it cos I've never had a good, proper view of how I looked like from the back. So this feels almost like some random alien shot. Anyway. Photo & editing credit goes to Vin. :-D I just added that slight red tint and borders, and that place I was in looks absolutely gorgeous here. Nice, dreamy shot, isn't it?

Ah and yes, RAGANI'S COMING BACK SOON FOR CREAMY DOSES OF LOVIN'!

The wrongly accused.

Friend says:
ahemmm
eh
u look very pretty ah in ur fb dp
keep it up

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
hahahha farker

Friend says:
with ur guy
haha
wat!!!!
KNN
ppl give compliment

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
OH WAIT A MIN

Friend says:
also get scolded

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
you mean my FB pic ah?

Friend says:
gawd

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
not my msn pic?! (which, at this juncture, I need to say, is the image of sunrays forming a heartshape on the otherwise dull seat of a transitlink bus)

Friend says:
ur level of intelligence

°· her royal freshness ·° says:
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

Friend says:
is shrinking


Okay I know it's not thaaaat funny. Nvm.

Had a fantastic time with Kit at gulab jamun fest/dinner today. She makes me wanna visit Europe! Maybe I will, when I realise I've SGD 2399120931223 to spare.

By the way, I've recently begun realising that being my natural self is not really much good, in general. This is not a bad thing I think, maybe a little saddening, at most. Have to make things better, since I don't live in my own big dreamworld. Yep, here I am, talkin about dreaming again. And yes, I think Inception is a wonderful film. Haha.

Sometimes I can't help it though; when I'm reminded time and time again that I'm just one person who's really, in fact, alone. Alone in my experiences, emotions, ways.

Am I missing something, maybe? Was this supposed to be, perhaps, just a little less difficult? I might have made a wrong step, or two, while being typically me.


P.S: Got mint Kit Kats. Tell you how it tastes after I have one with the bf tmr. We both love mint. :)

I think I think I think, I shall blog tonight! Weeeeeeeeeee!!

Out of the deep deep blue, I realised with a slight startle that hey, I miss listening to Dido! Dumb mp3 player died on me a year ago. Mmm. It died when I told the ex that things weren't working out, and the player was a gift from him. Odd coincidence(?)...but that makes its death technically alright. The songs were my downloading effort, though!

I also miss my Kinks collection, RHCP songs (was listening to one at Long John Silver's yesterday and weeped an internal tear for all my lost songs), and the other lovely bits & pieces (random numbers by random/not so random ppl, including a recording of nephew #2's heavy breathing)

Yes, Dido, as I was saying. I love her voice. So soothing. And this song's one of my favourites.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

- White Flag

Ladidadida.

Oh, I didn't use that pink ribbon. It was a wee bit disgusting.

My mom had a look at these malay bridal photoshoot pictures and had this to say; 'this looks like you're having one last fling right before your wedding ceremony.'

-.-

























This is a mix of non-pro and pro photos. It was SUCH FUN! You can have a look at the photos I'm tagged in in Facebook if you're oddly curious enough to wanna see all the pictures available.

Need to get ready now. I'm gonna wear a pink sweater with a pink ribbon in my hair. Yes, eeeew and oh my god too!

Made lemon pudding last night! It's obscenely easy to make, and I'm glad I did. Know why? Cos I now have lemon pudding with blueberries in it (fresh whole blueberries scattered around the pudding body, and minty blueberry jam at the base) to stuff my face with, yay!

Quite unfortunately, I miss my stupid boy. I was supposed to see him today, but totally forgot about this museum trip that I expressed interest in a few weeks ago to the sisters. Had no idea it's to be today, so I'm kinda stuck due to my previously displayed show of...enthusiasm. If only I'd kept my big trap shut.

Sigh. Museums are lovely but my stupid boy's lovelier.

You might be wondering if he's actually honestly stupid. In truth, he's a big, clever boy wearing checkered shorts. I mean, come on, he's with me! That's a really really smart decision to make. Actually...not the smartest, considering. Nevermind.

Starting work at a new place tomorrow. I can be in jeans! This is marvellous due to the fact that my legs (actually, mostly just my right leg) are decorated with shitty scars that appeared cos of an interesting variety of reasons, one of them being my checkered shorted boy.

I'm aware that I sound disgusting, referring to him all the time in sickeningly adorable(?) ways. Oh but I can't help it! *sighs and falls into a disgusting heap of mush*

You might be thinking, 'there she goes again'.

You don't know half the story. ;)

Tagboard's up, along with a song by the favourite band. YAY! Now there's motivation to spout nonsense on a more regular basis.

Blog soon, when I've something more substantial(?) to say. :)

In more ways than one, the grass is never greener; you just get different grass types.

This is embarrassing, this state of affairs. Yet, since there is nothing to be done about it, there is this weird sense of calm. I can't fix it, try as I might. Moral failure, somewhat. Blame would naturally be on up-bringing or external influence(s). I ask you this though, how do you steer the mind of a self-possessed dreamer? A mix of an idealist and a realist, but a little unfortunately, a dreamer nonetheless.

Dream, dream, always dream. Dream about the good, dream about the bad, but don't wish for anything. Think about consequences, but don't be afraid of them. In my dreamy state, sadness is okay, happiness is okay, money is overrated, hurt is a negligent emotion, the world will take care of itself, we're all fine. Therefore, I'm fine. I've lost some faith, maybe I'm losing more, but I'm still dreaming, and I'm fine.