To be or not to be.

Talking abt being single.

I can never say that I know how it is to feel lonely and really mean it. There's constantly someone to talk to, someone to go out with, so many ppl to laugh with. I have my family, and many close friends who matter to me and to whom I know I mean a lot to. And I have never craved for love from a man, as in, love that you expect to recieve when you're attached, cos I nvr gave myself the chance to, I guess.

Maybe I'm addicted to being in a relationship? I dunno.

Being 'single' the past few months has opened my eyes in ways that I nvr thot it wld. I wanted the break cos I needed it. 4 yrs plus, almost constantly attached to someone, whadya expect? A much needed breather. Helped me learn a few things abt some ppl, myself included. 1 or 2 inane(hopefully) fears and worries have surfaced too. Haha.

Now I'm thinking tho. Has this been of any use, at all? Wld I have been better off not going thru all that shit? I'm making it sound like it was bad, which isn't true. But it wasn't all 'woohoo, I'm SINGLE!'. Come to think of it, I nvr felt that way.

You see, I still don't frikkin know what it's like to be single. It's probably the most unconventional 'break' ever. Haha.

Which brings me back to wondering if all of it, the whole of the break, meant anything at all.

It WAS an attempt... but a bloody lame one at that. It wasn't the same as being attached, but it was somewhere near it. I did feel things I've nvr felt before, but they are so small in comparison to feeling what I always have felt.

The tiny, yet sweet sensation of the sort of freedom I let myself explore was marvellous. It really was beautiful, and I loved it. But I'm not gonna say that that's what I want, more than anything, cos I sure as hell wldn't mean it.

I want happiness. And why think of striving towards it when I've got it? I'm not letting something good go.

You shldn't be left hanging. It's not fair to you. I'm sure you'll understand if I wanted more time apart, but I know for a fact that you aren't and won't be happy, and won't have any peace at all. I'm not willing to let you feel like crap any longer.

My world doesn't revolve around me.



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I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with eyes wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions



- Natasha Bedingfield, Unwritten