That feeling when you are high and you tell everyone that you are, especially everyone that shouldn't know.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
I've come to a point where I am wondering if I should leave it to fate, or actively try wade through muck. But really, should I be thinking about this at all?
I just saw a post on facebook on children whose bodies are fed drugs or alcohol so that they are always asleep while some strangers carry them around and beg ppl for money. Horrible, yet not unbelievable. It takes a special brand of evil to carry out such acts, karma in action or not. How is something like this justified?
Such things really put my problems into perspective. There are mothers out there whose kids are missing, whose kids are being sold for sex, or are dead after their innocence and bodies have been exploited. There are fathers whose kids they cannot dream of seeing again. Parents who sell their children for money. Children being kidnapped for ransom, and eventually killed. Young people growing up to think that life is only to be endured, and nothing else. And me, a grown woman, mulling over my worries which 'trivial' doesn't even begin to describe, in comparison. A grown woman with a job, a house to live in, a good family, and a fully-functional body, and an internet connection. Wtf, right?
So I'll appreciate my blessings. Let go of worries, one by one. Distance myself from negativity.
Can't be difficult.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
In the train now, seated right opposite a couple that my ex and I knew. Level of awkwardness has hit the skies. I actually gave this woman my brownie recipe, and got medical insurance from her. And now I'm invisible. Sigh.
Isn't it odd how things work? I never did her any harm. And it's not like she was my ex's best friend. Heck, one of my ex's best friends and I are still on wonderful terms. And here's this lady, acting like I killed her cat.
How is it that you make enemies while you right your life? My ex obviously didn't/doesn't appreciate the break up, but I saved him a lot of unhappiness, tho he can't thank me for it since I was pretty stupid before. I had the misfortune of being the first one to know we wouldn't work out, that's all.
Ah well. Life.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
I shan't use direct pic uploads anymore. So messy and difficult to work with, like Microsoft Word! Except Word is still better, since you can send images to the background so that you don't struggle with your text alignment like a rhino trying to fix a watch.
OKAY ENOUGH COMPLAINING, DHANYA.
Just had lunch. Nothing makes me consume more rice than sambar does. It's lethal, I tell you. Any previous efforts towards toning up/weight loss go out the window. Nevermind. I shall do at least 80 sit-ups today. And follow the arm-toning methods recommended by a cute black girl on youtube.
I'm a lot happier these days. A lot, a lot. Feel so much more at peace.
We're always told that our happiness is our choice, and that what you can't help, you gotta let go of. And it's always, always easier said than done. Which is why I'm glad to realise that I've done it! Now it's not really a cause for celebration, or even for that exclamation mark I used, but it's improved my state of mind quite tremendously.
I was never the sort of girlfriend to insist that my boyfriend kept me updated on where he is, whom he's with and what he's doing. I normally just get the info readily volunteered to me, or I ask him what he's up to, in the way of conversation. There's never a burning need to keep in constant contact with him, be it a long distance relationship or not. BUT, recently, I went over to the dark side a little.
Just last week or the week before, the bf was really busy with his assignments and stuff. Being busy is understandable, but what I couldn't understand was the part where there wasn't enough time to talk to me for days. I'm a firm believer of the view of that in a day that consists of 1440 minutes, one cannot be too busy for a 10 minute phone call. Unless you're unavailable, which is an entirely different matter; you're stuck in an island, stuck in a hostage situation, stuck in some other movie idea, or stuck in labour. That, I'd be stupid to bitch about. Anyway yep, I was trying to feel okay about it but was failing miserably and crying; crying cos I wasn't important enough, crying at the thought of him talking and joking with ppl around him but not with me, and cos I missed him. Also, I've some existing issues with regards to us, which made it worse. Then I did that post here on tips for myself to survive a LDR (2 or 3 entries ago) and went to bed feeling a bit better. The next day, I felt even better and now, I feel pretty good.
If a person who genuinely loves me says he's too busy and tired, I have to respect that and let it be. This is the guy who's been in love with me the past few years, and will be marrying me next year. I have to be accepting of such things, otherwise I'll feel hurt, which'll hurt the relationship, which's the last thing we both need, living so far apart to begin with. We've hurt each other lots before, and have made each other feel negligible, but we're still together after managing to talk some stuff out. I'll just keep that in mind, regard this as a non-issue, and be happy with all the time I have for myself, which I'm using these days to read a good book, talk to my mom, father, sisters and friends, make a pot of tea and watch tv, play with my nephews, and blog. I let the bf contact me when he's free, so that I don't keep checking whatsapp to see if I missed the alert for his reply, and to check when he was last online so that I can try imagine what's keeping him from responding to me. That's exactly the sorta girlfriend I never wanted to be.
He's noticed the change and he didn't sound too happy about it. I told him that not initiating contact is how I cope, and he understands. I think. This is temporary anyway. Marriage'll fix this.
And now, time for that pot of tea. :)
Thursday, March 21, 2013
At the very start of the year, right when the fireworks stopped. Siiigh...my stupid boy.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
- develop an imaginary friend to whisper crazy things to. but if imaginary friend's like Drop Dead Fred, go to bed immediately and pray fiercely
- don't be surprised by gradual behavioural changes, on your side included
- don't feel ashamed to cry in your own presence. btr than crying in a bus
- at the same time, try not to make too much eye contact with yourself in the mirror right after a few tears cos you'll look disgusting
- don't expect to remain a priority. it's not the end of the world if you're not
- choices are naturally decisions made according to circumstances. you're not part of a great deal of your partner's circumstances anymore, so get used to it
- in fact, nothing is the same anymore, so get used to that too
- try to rmbr that you're not alone, although it feels like you are
- try to rmbr why exactly you're not alone
- keep trying to rmbr, and once you get it, write it down
- write plenty of things down. be busy
- cook, bake, run, jump, dance
- try new things, use your mind
- use your mind for everything but your relationship
- live your life
- be fine.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Urrrrgh, I hear horrible singing from the hall. Thank god it's a tv show and not a tone-deaf family member.
You know, I come from a family of talented ppl. Talented in terms of performing and creative arts. My father used to sing well (he's now 72 and nature is cruel), my mom can carry tunes too, all my sisters are pretty alright themselves, and that's without any training. I don't know much about my own singing, cos I'm painfully shy, and cannot sing unless I'm sure there's noone around who can form an opinion on my crooning abilities. I was chosen for the school choir when I was in secondary one, after a voice test that I did NOT want to go through. I attempted to get out of the group, but my school's choir was pretty small, and the teacher in charge was having none of it. I did manage to quietly escape a year after, after persistently skipping practises.
The teacher (Ms Lee or something) pulled me aside and asked me if I thought the choir was a playground. I slowly nodded, not cos I was being defiant, but cos I did not catch what she said over the racket the rest of the nerds were making. Haha I remember how she went, "What?!" and repeated herself, which was when I giggled inside my head and satisfied her with a no. I stopped going altogether after the SYF judging thing. We won some prize...bronze or gold, can't remember. Have the cert somewhere. Or not. Sigh. Btr organise my shit so that I know what's where. I'm still looking for my Archie comics. But I'm always pissed off with Archie for being a fickle asswipe, so those aren't a priority I guess.
I like blogging. It takes my mind of things.
Oh hey, my 3rd sister gave birth to her 2nd boy on thursday! He's a Valentine's Day baby. While everyone calls him loverboy, player, romeo and stuff, I prefer calling him cupid cos that'd make him way more rare. We already have more sluts than we should. Also, cupid's an angel, and romeo's a dumbass. Anyway, it's safe to say that I am in love, AGAIN! He's got cheeks like whipped cream, and his neck smells like how happiness would if it were a fragrance.
I'm now awaiting his arrival from the hospital. My mom left 4 hours ago, leaving me a set of very specific instructions, which I carried out in a hurry without stopping to brush my teeth. 3 hours later, I'm still super excited (if I had a tail, it'd be wagging furiously), and a little irritated at how long it's taking, cos I need to make a trip down to my office to pick up a few things I need to complete before tomorrow morning. Hate having to do this, but I guess that's just how doing something you don't love is.
I want so much more quality in life. Not in clothes or gadgets or assets. I want to have all that I need, and to be away from people and organisations who need to gauge my assets to place me in categories. I don't want to fight with my boyfriend cos he's so far away and we can't cope with the distance. I want him to be my husband to be with me always, cos we want to, not cos it's time to get married to collect our keys to our HDB flat, which we have to wait ages for. I don't want to collect the keys to a flat that we're only gonna give out for rent, since we'll be overseas. I don't want to leave my family and be overseas for reasons like work. It's really not something I can bring myself to do I think, but I'll have to start gathering the strength to not cry while doing so. I hate that he has to do this for a better future for himself, and I hate that he is right, cos I hate how the world works. Economies, industries, monopolies, injected chickens, force-fed geese. Most of us aren't very different from a plate of foie gras, if you think about it.
Ah well. If you can't beat the system, stay in it. Right?
Monday, February 11, 2013
Saturday, May 5, 2012
'28' makes it sound a bit like I am talking about my menstrual cycle, huh? I am a pretty happy girl, the first day of my period. I do feel little people in my body pulling at strings tied to my tummy and groin, plus that big heavy bitch who perches herself on my hips and tailbone for 2 days. BUT, everytime I spot red each month, I do a tiny whoop for joy!
No baby = yes to current psuedo-peace.
See, my biological clock is ticking like it's the NYE countdown all year long. Every single time I see a baby, I want one. BADLY. This is due to no fault of my own, and does not make me a freak of nature, since I'll be 26 this December. Yeah, so I'm a teeny bit desperate to have a kid, but only in feeling, since I am NOWHERE near ready $$$-wise. Oh, there's that little fact that I'm not married yet. Pulling a Rachel is trouble, to say the least.
Still, I want have a child so much, I'm afraid I might put that out to the universe so strongly, I might end up doing a Rachel. Okay now I sound like Phoebe.
Anyway. That's why I'm all smiley on my day 1s.
Did I actually say day 1? Why am I talking about my period? Maybe I am subconsciously trying to encourage it to show up already this month, since it's due.
Dullest post ever. Hate creating input on my phone.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
I miss going out! Lately, I've only been travelling to and from work, with dinner with the bf thrown into my super exciting mix of activities once or twice a week. Odd... I just wanna get home and play with my nephew and bunnies these days.
Oh yah! I've not announced my adoption of bunnies to the blogiverse, yet! I am the proud owner of 2 brown frantic fuzzies; PfatBoy Wabbit and Boney Wabbit. They're both male but they love each other all the same, cos that's what bunnies do. Funny how I always end up with gay rabbits. Anyway. They're such lovely, filthy things!
Here's Boney, who's 3 months old!
<3 <3 <3
The fat one's got an FB account. Yes, I am mad. But not bored, mind you. Ah wth, i'm bored. I give in to streaks of insanity and risk coming off batshitcrazy just so i am kept entertained. If I weren't so full of bodily wobbles, i'd probably be the friendly neighbourhood flasher. No, exhibitionist! Sounds more respectable.
My chocolate buttons are still here, dark and inviting. Why can't my hands follow my will, for once?! Ah what the heck. I'm gonna start gymming next week anyway. Got a gym partner, which makes it tough to back out of.
Still, wish me luck.
Monday, February 27, 2012
I have a friend at work. A malleable, almost androgynous friend. Wanna meet him?
Say hello to........ Tack!!
Sweet isn't he? That's his happy smile.
Tack watches me work. That's his favourite activity. When I nod off while doing one of the few mundane tasks that're part of my duties, he squeals just loud enough for me to hear. Also, he discreetly snarls at ppl who try to push their work to me, which encourages me to tell to them to go wank somewhere. Such a darling, yes?
He's been complaining abt his looks (I think he's always looked stunning. But there's no convincing him. Sigh.) so I decided to give him a makeover. After much careful thought and processes, here's the end product;
He loves the tiara-like thing I did for him!
He's happy with his new look, and has decided to name himself Shiny Bluetack. Tacky name, but I'm glad he loves my work! Let me know what you think!
And I love you, Tack!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
I was doing my nails last night when an old post of mine came to mind. God how i loved blogging abt stupid things regularly!
I'm sure you're familiar with the term 'read between the lines'. And I'm preeetty sure that if you're reading this, you're a young(ish) person, so, you shld be aware of the more offensive meaning the phrase holds, usually meant while displaying your hand with its 2nd, 3rd and 4th digits sticking solidly out.
A friendlier version wld be,
So, you're frikkin pissed with someone and you want them to know they're shit and contemplate using the 'read between the lines' thing, cos it's a rude gesture, obviously. Then you think, "Alamak, I saw that primary school kid use it on her grandma yesterday. I got to come up with something btr and cooler!" Now that's when, if you're smart enough, the idea of the super fuck springs to your mind.
I present to you, the super fuck!!
My middle finger has got a pattern on it that is quite phallic, and it's got what is supposed to look like drops of urine on the fingers beside it. Aaaand, a tiny representation of the penis on my little finger(to say,'you're such a loser, your dick's like that!') , and another on my thumb too, which, unfortunately, wasn't photographed.
There you have it. The perfect, illustrated, cheemified insult.
Use it on someone. The reaction you'd get will first be this:
and once the full implication of your manicured nails are registered, you'll get this:
You got a fantastic insult readily available AND, you have an excuse to get your nails done if you're a guy. What more cld any bitch ask for?
Get your super fuck done today!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Yeah, having a good family is a very precious thing, and I honestly am one of the luckier ones in that aspect. But it's almost been 3 years, and there is only so much I can take. It shows on my face, my eyes and in my headaches.
I can't go away though. That will be very selfish of me and I just wasn't brought up that way.
But you never know.
posted from Bloggeroid